Divine Order
A sparrow has the choice of landing on an alley cat’s back, but it is likely making a fatal decision in doing so. A baby lamb can wander into the midst of a pack of wolves, but it is unlikely to survive this decision. An infant can reach out to grasp a venomous snake rattling its deadly warning, but it institutively understands that there is danger in that moment. What forces guide the migratory patterns of animals, birds and fish living among us? Who guides the flow of the seasons and the order that defines existence? What does your own spirit tell you about this? The world would have us believe that these situations are governed by “common sense” which has been developed from eons of developing evolutionary processes. The world tells us that these are accidental adaptions of nature, not the results of divine interventions. The fact is that the world was created by God and His creation was designed to know Him, to love Him and to serve Him in all aspects of life. The creation is groaning and staggering under the weight of sin and trespasses. This reality exists because of the sin of our spiritual parents Adam and Eve, who chose to rebel against the law of God. Their free-will choice to abandon God’s word and to choose to act on Satan’s lies led them into rebellion against God’s lawful authority.
God has created us with a sense of divine order to guide our choices. That is the presence of that small voice that speaks protection and blessing into our lives when we are confronted with choices that will harm us and others. Our free will is a gift from God and it makes us uniquely human. We can choose to obey His voice in our lives, or to live out our own personal sinful choices. God never forces us to accept His loving guidance. He allows us to bear the consequences of our sinful choices and to learn from the pain that we suffer. As individuals we can make the choice to follow the voice of the Holy Spirit, who teaches us how to live out the commands of Jesus Christ, or we can choose the folly of our own whims and desires which inevitability lead to disappointment, dissatisfaction and despair. That was the meaning of Jesus word, when He told His disciples that He would send them another Comforter who would never leave them. We have been personally assured of God’s presence in our lives, if we make the choice to follow Jesus Christ.
I do not have to struggle with aspects of my life, if I am truly willing to seek out His will for me. He will guide me through the divine order that has already been implanted in my soul. No matter how I have messed up or how broken I am, He stands ready to take me where I am and make a new life within me. The key to this spiritual interaction with God lays in my willingness to recognize that I have come to the end of my own abilities and the understanding that even now God can make something beautiful of the sinful choices that I have previously made. All it takes is an act of surrender to Him and a willingness to be healed. He can take the worst things that we have ever done and raise up a blessing to His own name if we are willing to trust in His word. Do you need to travel any further on the road of self-will or can you pull over and get a clear sense of the direction you have been moving? In the quiet of this moment all you need to do is ask Him to forgive you and to create a new life in you that brings Him glory and honor. After all, it is not about us, it is ultimately about the God who created us with a special inner knowledge of Him and His love for us.
There are no limits on God’s goodness……find out for yourself.

A Prisoner’s Plea
Dear Lord, my ways are known to you…all of them. My choices are laid clearly before You. Help me to find a promise in Your word that is spoken into my life. Help me to find this promise in Your word and let it be a guiding light as I live out the remaining days of my life. I trust You and I commit myself to Your care. Help me in this spiritual battle to surrender to Your will for my life. I believe that even now, You can make something beautiful out of what I have created. Please forgive me and have mercy upon me, cleanse me from my sin and restore the lost innocence of my childhood.

Have you ever gotten up and felt like you just do not have the mental energy or internal strength to face the day ahead? Your mind is at war with itself and your heart has no peace. In some ways you know that you cannot escape the conflict, even by going back to bed again. Your mind rages with the vivid pictures of what has happened, what your own involvement was and the looming consequences that likely will be manifested. You wish that there was a turn off switch in your brain, and in other circumstances you would use alcohol or drugs to numb yourself out. But now, you cannot go there to hide. You are seemingly trapped in a state of hell, unable to change any aspect of your present situation and seem to have nowhere to turn. You are not the only one who has suffered through this experience. In fact this happens to everyone at some point in their life, on a greater or lesser scale. It is just that most people never talk to anyone else about going through this struggle.
We all want to look good on the outside, like we are really in control of our lives. And some of us bluff it out all the way until we die. These individuals refuse to get real with themselves and cannot afford to be vulnerable with anyone else. Like great wandering animals, they spend their lives totally alone. Only making contact with others to fill some needs in their lives (food, drink, sex, shelter). What an incredibly lonely way to live out a lifetime of existence. They often blame other people for their situations and use that as justification to avoid any meaningful contact with others. In this letter I am hoping to explain the spiritual dynamic that leads us to this point of isolation and keeps us ignorant of the free gifts of God. It is our birthright to live as free men and women. That is the heritage that was given to us at birth.
When I speak of the ongoing battle between good and evil I am not referring to an excuse for our own personal behaviors. We are and always will be responsible for our choices, but we are born into a world where Satan is the ruler and he lays before us countless temptations to influence our everyday behaviors. We see these as our own decisions, free will choices, but the fact is that we are given the resources to make our way through life and to discover the underlying truth which guides life. Even as young children we feel a twinge of guilt when we do something wrong. That is the evidence of conscience which has been implanted into each of our lives. That small tug that pulls us from the inside when we venture into choices which would bring us into conflict with God’s law. We have all felt that pull to make the right choice and we have all failed at one time or another. But we have not been born into this life alone and without resources to help us make the right choices. That resource is the essence of our spiritual beings. We do not exist on a physical, mental, emotional and social basis alone. All of these aspects of life exist within the spiritual essence of our being. We get caught up in the “physical” things that we perceive often failing to look at the force behind ”what is.” Long before science discovered that all of the “matter” which we see is made up of constantly moving atoms and sub-atomic particles, the Bible had recognized this fact. Find it for yourself, it is there. It is also a clear indicator of the truth contained in these words of life.
We make our choices….we fall down…we struggle….we are wounded by the things that we choose. And then we get up and blindly start to make the same choices over and over again. We are like blind men trying to find our way through the darkness of life. But we are NEVER abandoned to that darkness. In fact living in darkness is a choice which we make because we live in a world where light and truth are constantly revealed to us in God’s word. Here is the key to life….we ALWAYS can ask for God’s help to navigate this battle between good and evil. We do not have to stand alone in this fight. In His great love for us, God has provided us with spiritual awareness and spiritual tools to recognize the difference between good and evil. At ANY time we can ask for His protection and provision in our lives and He will graciously guide us through the storms of life. What this means in practical terms is that even if we have blown every opportunity in life and are sitting awaiting our deaths because of choices we have made, God’s grace is as openly available as it was the first days of our lives.
He will respond to a heartfelt prayer from the depths of our beings as we recognize that we have lost all. He is our Creator and always acts out of love for us. Satan hates anything that reflects the image or likeness of God, so he will do all in his power to steal, lie and kill mankind. That is why this battle between good and evil rages around us. I may not have understood at the moment of my crime that I was playing a role in this battle, but God is so loving that once I do recognize the error of my ways and ask for His forgiveness, His Holy Spirit will start to transform my life into something of beauty and meaning according to His plan. Who else in our lives can transform the trash of our individual decisions into the treasures of eternity? It is all in His word, find it for yourself. These are not rash promises, they are given to each of us as free gifts from a loving God. Will you accept the gift that He offers to you freely? Even now He will redeem what has been lost and use your life for His own glory. Please, Please do not let Satan continue to steal the hope which has been given to each of us through the redemptive work of Jesus Christ dying on that cross to atone for our sins…all of our sins, not just my own. The result of His death and resurrection is the outflow of God’s Mercy, Grace and Forgiveness which changes the entire character of our lives. Look beyond the material aspects of this life….look beyond the bars and concrete that define your existence and see the true promise of eternal hope and glory.
If we are willing to see clearly, then it is possible to examine each individual life that we encounter and see that everyone has some aspects of living a double life. By that I mean that we have all chosen to look good on the outside while harboring sinful choices on the inside. There was and is only One who has ever lived on this earth who has had a single minded purpose to Love and Honor His Father. His name is Jesus Christ and He lived a life without sin to show us the way to His Father. He understands our fragility and knows the struggles we all face in confronting daily choices between good and evil. We are not alone and abandoned to walk out this life without His help. Every choice we make in life has eternal consequences and eternal possibilities. I remember being in prison and hearing the news that one of the older guards had come down with cancer and was going to die. Now here was a grumpy man who tended to make our lives difficult, but something in my spirit was called to pray for this man. I was not called to pray for his physical healing, but rather to pray for his spiritual healing. And so I followed the leading of the Holy Spirit and went about my daily activities silently lifting up this man who was moving toward the edge of eternity. My role for a short season in that prison was to lift up another human being.
What is your role, what choice can you make today to get outside of your own needs and wants and silently bless someone else? It is a free gift that we can choose to make on behalf of those who live in our immediate environments. I have no way of knowing what value those prayers made have had in this man’s life, but I know that there was an eternal purpose. No matter what circumstances that I find myself in I am always in a position to do for others on a private and anonymous basis. No one need know that I have prayed for my victims, their families or those that have been my jailers. Yet in doing so, I am called to live out the life of a Christian man in service to others. It is a small ongoing exchange with this God who loved me enough to die for me to pay the price for my sins. In order to accomplish this goal, I need to take my eyes off of the circumstances of my own life and put my eyes on spiritual things. That is when I am filled with peace and contentment. It is in that moment that I know that my life has purpose beyond the immediate wants and needs of the moment. It is in the quiet moments that I am led to pray for others that I realize the Holy Spirit is moving in my own life and that I am filled with awe and amazement that even in my current state of life, that God would have a purpose for my being.
The only way that I can come to this state of awareness is to move beyond what my eyes and ears tell my mind. To move into a place of spiritual connection with the God of history and the God of today. It is His spirit that moves in my life and gives me the ability to make choices which are God honoring. It has nothing to do with my weak and miserable humanity. I am merely a tool and I want to be a faithful tool in God’s hands. You have the same choice to make. Do you spend your days in resentment, fear and bitterness, or do you turn to that soft loving voice that calls you to a higher purpose even as you await society’s judgment? Don’t you remember what Dismas did while dying on a cross next to Jesus Christ…..he called out…”Lord remember me when You come into Your Kingdom” and in that faith filled moment Jesus made him a personal promise….”This day you will be with Me in paradise.” That same promise is made to each of us, you see God does not have favorites. He will do for each of us what He did for Dismas on the cross.
I write to you each month because I do not want you to be alone and cut off from life. I have found that TRUE life is found in a relationship with Jesus Christ because He took on a human form to live amongst us and to share our burdens. He knows our ways and our weaknesses. He understands our human condition. And He has promised that He will never leave us. We all know what it is like to be alone and rejected by others, He will never leave us alone, nor will He reject our sincere plea for His help. I would not tell you these things, if they were not the very substances of life. Will you be deceived by what you see and hear, or will you trust the spirit that lives inside of you and that will live on throughout eternity? That inner man or woman who lives on a different plane in this life. That plane is the eternal viewpoint that motivates us to see the fullness of our existence beyond the transitory physical life. We are given very specific weapons to use for our protection as we move through this life. It is called the whole amour of God, specific weapons to help us combat the influences of Satan’s temptations. We are not alone, but in fact we are given the choice of living out eternity with the God who created us.
You can never be so bad that God would not hear your humble cry for forgiveness and mercy. It is a personal transaction between you and the God that shaped you and formed you in your mother’s womb. His word says that before you saw a single day, He already knew you and that your name was inscribed on the palm of His hand. He had already seen your whole life before you were born. He knew of all of your sins and failures before your eyes opened and saw the light of day. And yet He chose to make you and sustained you in this life that ultimately you would choose to have a relationship with Him based on His incredible love for you. He knew the pathways that you would choose in life and still created you so that you could make the choice of spending eternity with Him. That is the gift of life. He did not give us this gift with the pre-condition that we must love Him and obey Him, instead He gave us life with the purpose that we would find His love for us in the midst of the failures and sinfulness of our lives. By myself I can do nothing, but with His love and purpose in my life I can accomplish all things. It is not too late to redeem your purpose, even now you can call out softly to the God who gave you life and ask Him to forgive you and to create a new purpose and a new design in the days ahead.
Do not be caught up in the wrong belief that it is your battle against the world. Rather it is a battle between good and evil, and Satan tries to convince each of us that it is our personal struggle. We are made in the image and likeness of God, which means that it is not our own personal struggle. We have not been left here and abandoned by an uncaring Father to struggle through this life alone. But we have been given free-will to make the choice for good or evil. By myself I cannot possibly arise to the place of knowing good from evil, but in relationship with Jesus Christ the way is clearly pointed out before me. And He promises me that I will never be alone. I am not making this journey by myself, though there are times when I feel quiet alone…..like a child who is in his own room, while his mother and father are in another room in the house. When that child calls out, mom or dad will lovingly respond to the child’s cry for help. That is what God does for us.
As a retired clinical psychologist, I have always been fascinated by what lays deep within our minds and hearts. Those aspects of life that we have never shared with others, either out of an unwillingness to be vulnerable to the opinions or criticism of others, or out of an inner feeling of fear about how others would treat us differently if we revealed our deepest thoughts to them. One of the questions that I frequently ask of others centers upon this very private place deep within each of us. I often ask strangers, “Are you loved?” Not many people answer the question in the affirmative. The few that have said yes generally refer to the love of a child for its parent. They have been loved by their children in a special way. They can feel it with their hearts. They know deep within themselves that they have been given something special.
Each of us has been freely given the love of God, to accept or to reject. We all know at a very basic level what love is….and we all have a hunger inside of us that cannot be filled by material things or the things of this life. I believe that inside of each of us is a hallow place that can only be filled with spiritual things. Nothing else that exists in this world can permanently give us the continued feeling being loved outside of this spiritual experience. If you have hungered all your life for a deep and abiding love…..for the kind of love that affirms your very existence, then what you are seeking is the love of God in your life. No other love can fill that emptiness. No other love can fill that ongoing deep need within you or me.
My words are clumsy and inept….they lack the grace and beauty of His great love for each of us. Forgive my limitations. I am a mere man trying to capture the essence of truth so that I might share this gift with you and help to fill your life with His promise of eternal life to those who love Him. I am a poor workman, but my heart wants to share this truth, so that it will pierce through the darkness of your past life and shine brightly before you as you make your way through the days ahead. You are not alone in spirit or truth. There are many who stand with you as you seek out the truth. It is never too late to seek His face.
There is a spiritual battle going on around you and within you. Choose wisely and choose well; your choices have eternal consequences.

Divine Order
A sparrow has the choice of landing on an alley cat’s back, but it is likely making a fatal decision in doing so. A baby lamb can wander into the midst of a pack of wolves, but it is unlikely to survive this decision. An infant can reach out to grasp a venomous snake rattling its deadly warning, but it institutively understands that there is danger in that moment. What forces guide the migratory patterns of animals, birds and fish living among us? Who guides the flow of the seasons and the order that defines existence? What does your own spirit tell you about this? The world would have us believe that these situations are governed by “common sense” which has been developed from eons of developing evolutionary processes. The world tells us that these are accidental adaptions of nature, not the results of divine interventions. The fact is that the world was created by God and His creation was designed to know Him, to love Him and to serve Him in all aspects of life. The creation is groaning and staggering under the weight of sin and trespasses. This reality exists because of the sin of our spiritual parents Adam and Eve, who chose to rebel against the law of God. Their free-will choice to abandon God’s word and to choose to act on Satan’s lies led them into rebellion against God’s lawful authority.
God has created us with a sense of divine order to guide our choices. That is the presence of that small voice that speaks protection and blessing into our lives when we are confronted with choices that will harm us and others. Our free will is a gift from God and it makes us uniquely human. We can choose to obey His voice in our lives, or to live out our own personal sinful choices. God never forces us to accept His loving guidance. He allows us to bear the consequences of our sinful choices and to learn from the pain that we suffer. As individuals we can make the choice to follow the voice of the Holy Spirit, who teaches us how to live out the commands of Jesus Christ, or we can choose the folly of our own whims and desires which inevitability lead to disappointment, dissatisfaction and despair. That was the meaning of Jesus word, when He told His disciples that He would send them another Comforter who would never leave them. We have been personally assured of God’s presence in our lives, if we make the choice to follow Jesus Christ.
I do not have to struggle with aspects of my life, if I am truly willing to seek out His will for me. He will guide me through the divine order that has already been implanted in my soul. No matter how I have messed up or how broken I am, He stands ready to take me where I am and make a new life within me. The key to this spiritual interaction with God lays in my willingness to recognize that I have come to the end of my own abilities and the understanding that even now God can make something beautiful of the sinful choices that I have previously made. All it takes is an act of surrender to Him and a willingness to be healed. He can take the worst things that we have ever done and raise up a blessing to His own name if we are willing to trust in His word. Do you need to travel any further on the road of self-will or can you pull over and get a clear sense of the direction you have been moving? In the quiet of this moment all you need to do is ask Him to forgive you and to create a new life in you that brings Him glory and honor. After all, it is not about us, it is ultimately about the God who created us with a special inner knowledge of Him and His love for us.
There are no limits on God’s goodness……find out for yourself.

A Prisoner’s Plea
Dear Lord, my ways are known to you…all of them. My choices are laid clearly before You. Help me to find a promise in Your word that is spoken into my life. Help me to find this promise in Your word and let it be a guiding light as I live out the remaining days of my life. I trust You and I commit myself to Your care. Help me in this spiritual battle to surrender to Your will for my life. I believe that even now, You can make something beautiful out of what I have created. Please forgive me and have mercy upon me, cleanse me from my sin and restore the lost innocence of my childhood.

For many months I have written in my letters about us being children of God and recently I received a letter from a brother in Washington pointing out that while we are all created equally by God, that we do not inherent the status of being a child of God until we accept the gift of salvation which Jesus Christ won for each of us on the cross at Calvary. I stand corrected and I am indebted to my brother, because I do not wish to deceive you or mislead you with my words. The free gift of salvation is available to each of us if we accept it. It is that simple…..I blew it, forgive me for my sinful life and cover me with the shed blood of Jesus Christ. That simple step confers family status on you and me. Nothing more is required. It does not depend upon the nature of your past sins, or your current attitudes or behaviors. When you accept the salvation offered by Jesus Christ, the healing and restoration process is initiated in your heart through the work of the Holy Spirit. It is HIS job to reconcile you and transform you as a brand new creature. None of us can do that for ourselves. It is only through the mercy of God that we are given this gift. But we must accept the gift for it to become a true gift. Otherwise it is only an offer that God has made to you personally, but it must be accepted as the precious gift that it is.

I want to extend another gift to you. Most of the people that I knew in prisons had connections to some others in their lives, but largely they were a group of people without the close ties of family love. They all had families but few had meaningful encounters with those who consistently loved them and accepted them. Family is precious, but it can also be a painful reality. I do not know about the status of your relationship with members of your family, but I believe it is important for all of us to have family members who care for us unconditionally. In the coming months Dismas Project wants to become that one place where you can be accepted as family, without any questions or qualifications. Your experience with family may have been awkward in the past. You may have felt that you never fit in with the others in your own family. This is YOUR invitation to help create a brand new family in the days to come. Family members support and encourage each other along life’s journey. We all need that kind of loving acceptance in our lives.

A close friend of mine suggested that I speak to you about spiritual incarceration in this letter. He wanted me to explain to you the fact that most people on the outside has no clue about spirituality. They think it means going to church or doing some other obligation. They are unable to see with spiritual eyes, so it is easy to look at others and discard them like a pair of dirty socks. They seem themselves as far above their fellow man and therefore see themselves as saved, while others are lost. Their instead becomes deadened as they compare themselves in a world of sinfulness and wickedness. Therefore, since they have only told lies and stole just a little, they are better than the individual who has raped, murdered and robbed others. This strange blindness seems to impact most people who considered themselves to be religious. They can’t see that the blackness of their own sin, is just as wicked as the most heinous criminal’s activities. They are unable to see themselves in the light of truth, so God’s word has little impact upon their own personal lives.

I firmly believe that the men and women on death row have had an opportunity to examine their lives through the clearest light that can possibly exist. Many have come to terms with their failings and crimes, realizing that they have blown it. Most resist the temptation to make themselves feel better by comparing their own actions to those of another offender. That ability to be honest at the core of their existence is the cord that connects each of you to me and the others working at Dismas Project. I do not care about your past, we all have a past. I only care about your present and future. That is my point of connection with each of you. It is not important that I know about your crimes, what is important is that you know we are all equals in God’s sight. We have all blown it….there is no one among us who can stand before God sinless. Therefore we are all equally lost without the redemption earned for each of us by Jesus Christ on that cross 2000 years ago. That is the core of commonness between us. We are all sinners. And no one with sin can stand before a righteous God. Since Jesus Christ paid for those sins of ours, all we need do is accept His gift of personal salvation for each of us. In the final moments of life upon the cruel crosses of Calvary, three men were dying. Jesus Christ and two thieves.

One of the thieves cursed God in his dying agony. The other, a man just like you and I turned to Jesus and cried out…..”Master remember me when You come into your Kingdom.” He surrendered his life to Jesus in that brief moment and he received a promise. Jesus spoke to him the following words…”This day thou shalt be with me in Paradise.” He was given the gift of eternal salvation because of his simple request to Jesus. This man had never been baptized and most like did not regularly attend religious services. He was a condemned prisoner dying a felon’s death. But in that moment he was assured of eternal life by Our Savior. Jesus has a special spot in His heart for death row prisoners. According to Catholic tradition, the name of that dying thief was Dismas. That is why our outreach ministry is named Dismas Project. To honor the memory of that moment between a man who was condemned to death and His dying Savior. The same promise is available to each of us and that is why you receive these letters each month. I believe in the eternal value of your soul. If you cannot hold any other spiritual content in your life close to your heart, remember this story because it applies directly to you and me. I share this news with you, so that you and I can spend eternity glorifying God’s mercy and compassion on sinners like us.

We are all in a race called life. It does not matter what you have done previously, you can still finish this race well. Let’s resolve together to finish this race well. After all we are family. While the world spins its pathway to oblivion we can forge an eternal link that will carry us through the rest of this race together. You may be physically incarcerated, but you do not have to be spiritually incarcerated. Use your spiritual eyes and ears to search for the truth. I promise you that you will find it if you ask God for His help. And we will have eternity together to talk about this incredible salvation for people like you and me. Let me know how I can pray for you, or support you in your study of God’s word. I seek to be an encouragement as you walk through the days ahead, one who sticks closer than a brother.

I have traveled to many places around the world, from the world of Bangkok and the delights of Hong Kong to the modern world of Japan and South Korea. I have walked in small towns located in Eastern Europe that use to be Soviet bloc nations. I have played in Europe and seen the wonders of African countries. I have delighted in the islands of Micronesia and enjoyed the hospitality of Indonesia. I have looked upon the rocky lands of Jordon and prowled through North America including Canada and Mexico. But for the most part I have done so alone, looking at the gifts of God through the lens of solitary experience. I have been delighted with the culinary arts of many nations, but the truth is that I have enjoyed my best meals with my loving wife. Most often they have been very simple meals shared with love and mutual concern for each other. The difference in these experiences is that the moments shared with my wife had a special quality of love which made them remarkable. She is my family. She carries a special place of love for me that moves my inner spirit. That spirit motivates me to want to share all things with her openly and directly. That very same spirit emanates from her own spirituality. You see I know that she loves me, but I also know that she loves God more than me. God has first place in her life. It is from that love of God that a fountain of love pours into my own life and fills me with purpose and direction.    We can be thousands of miles apart but the refreshing pool of anointing waters is mine to access at any point in the day. That is the blessing that comes to me from having a relationship with Jesus Christ and my wife.

All relationships ultimately flow from our primary relationship to God. I cannot change places with you, but I can accept you like my wife accepts me with all of my faults and flaws. I speak about relationship with you because I have discovered that in my own life, joy comes from the ability to share all things with someone else. Someone who wants to spend time and know about you as a unique individual. I am well aware that trust, or the lack of it, becomes a barrier to sharing with others. I have wrestled with the same obstacle in my own life. Because I have been in the same place I can understand what a gift I have been given in my marriage to my wife. I can share all things without incurring judgment. She knows and accepts my limitations and weaknesses. That is a unique gift. Because I am a deeply flawed man who has a long history of failure and sinfulness, I can openly accept others who have traveled the same pathway. I could waste our time together by concentrating on the supposed successes of my life, but the truth is that I only started to realize any inner sense of peacefulness when I recognized my very nature. As I came to recognize that I am broken beyond repair I also became desperately aware that I needed a SAVIOR. I could not bring about meaningful changes in my life by myself. If I have the disposition of a rattlesnake, I cannot change that part of my being from within. It must come about as a result of something occurring from outside of me. It is a simple but profound lesson in my life that I needed to have a relationship which would fill me with a new purpose and focus in living. I could not make that happen on my own. It was impossible and when I realized that I was trapped by my own sinfulness, then I finally came to a place where I recognized that I was completely powerless.

In that dreadful moment of realization I remember the feelings of despair and depression that filled my thoughts and my very soul. It was a crystalized moment of aloneness. The starkness of being apart from anything of meaning in this world. All things that I had engaged in became worthless in that momentary view of eternity. I was reduced to nothingness and I fully realized that I was incapable of changing on my own. That moment caused me to fall on my knees and cry out for God’s infinite mercy and forgiveness. I saw the utter selfishness in all the things that I had attempted to do on my own. It was in that moment of sorrow and regret that I came to understand that I needed a relationship with God to make sense of my life. Without that ongoing contact with Him and the acceptance of the gift of salvation and redemption, I would continue on my lonely pathway by myself. The meaning and purpose that I had been seeking for so long became apparent to me as I explored the spiritual significance of life itself. All the other realms of life are transitory and will pass away, only the spiritual dimension of life passes onto eternity.

I had to question myself closely. Would I spend eternity without God, without meaning and purpose? Would I throw away this one opportunity to live a meaningful life here on earth by staying committed to my restless and elfish search for self-gratification, or would I man-up and see the glory of having an eternal relationship with Jesus Christ. Now just like I have found a new dimension of living in my relationship with my wife……something I could not have imagined before it came into my life……I have found a unique purpose and fulfillment in establishing a relationship with you. I am passing onto you what I have discovered in my own life. It is a free gift. Just like it was freely given to me. My hope is that in these letters you will find a point of connection with someone who does not want anything from you. There is nothing that you can do that will enhance my willingness to extend myself on your behalf. You cannot extinguish my interest in you as a human being or my desire to befriend you in the isolation which is imposed upon your life. You can choose to be alone and reject these words of comfort and concern. Just like I could have rejected the comfort of God’s love for me. I write these words because God has shown His great love for me and my whole being is impressed with sharing that love with you and others. I could not keep it to myself any more than a bird can keep their cheerful morning song to itself. It spills out of having the experience of being loved. Once we have truly experienced that love which flows out of a relationship with God, it is impossible to keep it to yourself. That is what I mean when I tell you that all relationships flow out of our basic relationship to God. It energizes our being and transforms our lives.

So now I do not know of your current family situation, but I do extend my hand to establish a different kind of family relationship. I do this for you, because it is exactly what was freely done for me. I am passing along to you the very thing that brought joy and delight into my own life. I am not asking anything of you…..or expecting something in return. We all deserve to be treated with kindness, mercy and compassion. For some who read my words they will be baffled by this expression. They will try to understand how I can do this by using their minds to try to figure it out. It is not a mind thing…..it is a heart thing. And that is why I write to you each month. I believe that we all hunger for the same basic things in life, though we choose many roads to try to get those basic things satisfied. Let these words resonate in your heart…..let them get past the barriers you create in your mind and filter down to the core of your being. That place inside of you that hungers for acceptance, meaning and purpose in your life. We all have that place in common, no matter how we try to hide it from others. It is the most essential human part of our beings. If we have traveled through a lifetime of pain and failure we are likely to do our best to keep this special place hidden. We do not want to experience any more pain or personal defeats.

The very fact that I can write to you about this personal and sensitive place will tell you that I know it well. It is familiar ground to me as I routinely deal with my own vulnerability in this area. My experiences have helped me to understand the significance of spiritual healing in this aspect of my life. I cannot undo my sins or crimes, but I can give new meaning to what lays ahead by coming to an understanding about God’s great love for me and you. Only He is able to take the failings of our past and turn them into victories for His kingdom. He truly has turned my trash into treasure and that has become the source of great comfort in my life. He has done the impossible. It does not matter what others think of me….that is insignificant. It only matters what I do with what I have from this point onward. So I share my meager words and spiritual excitement with you, knowing that God can do the same work in your life that He is doing in my own. That makes us family…….His family.

I find words to be helpful, but I also struggle with the limitations which words bring to expressing my innermost thoughts. But words are all I have to bridge the gap of time and space between us. So please pardon my poor attempts at trying to add color to a black and white picture. I am a poor workman when one considers all the gifts that I have been given in my life. But my heart desires to build a relationship of meaning…..not just words. So while words are my principle tools to reach you, they are also extremely limiting in sharing what I want to say. My words are like my travels, they only have value if I can share them with someone else. Otherwise they are just meaningless gestures incapable of producing awareness in the lives of others. So please pardon my obvious limitations as I seek to bring alive a new dimension in your own life. It is like starting a fire with a piece of flint. I hope that some of my words spark the dry tinder deep within your own heart, and that God will fan the flames into a consuming fire of relationship between you and Him. I am an unprofitable servant and a poorer messenger of His word. But my heart yearns for your salvation and redemption through the completed work of Jesus Christ.

       MANGER LIVING

In a world fraught with an incredible number of choices available to guide our lives it is a tough sell to plead the case for spiritual simplicity. Yet the exquisite assortment of choices which shape our daily lives are laced with the hooks and barbs of painful experiences, trauma and meaningless existence.  To establish our sense of personal worth based upon ownership or relationship is to invite an ever growing negative awareness that our sense of emotional balance is constantly in a precarious state of instability.

Knowing this and being able to detach from the illusions of stability are two separate pathways. Believing in the safety of these illusions eventually leads to crisis, loss and despair. While negotiating the pathway of detachment provides an enriched life experience and tools to negotiate the toughest challenges in life.  One pathway leads to the existential anxiety of aloneness and uncertainty. The other pathway yields a sure knowledge and certainty that there is a divine plan for each life and meaning in every encounter we have with others.

The King of Kings chose a manger as His first earthly throne.  To those who could grasp the significance of this gesture, Jesus Christ invited them to seek out a relationship with His Father that was based upon simple truth. There is nothing complicated about the life of a Christian; which is not to say that we are not often faced with complicated situations.  The essence of His message is summed up in a life committed to the concepts of Faith, Hope and Charity; three elegant concepts for transforming lives.

How to personally operationalize these concepts is the subject of this article. It is strictly an inside job which depends on the individual’s ability to be honest with themselves. The ability to transform our lives does not depend upon our religious fervor, nor does it rely upon our beliefs. The change starts with the realization that our efforts have not yielded a consistent sense of peace and joy. Somehow what we seek and obtain never yields the satisfaction we have been seeking. Instead we just continue the search in a different relationship, acquisition or arena of life.

If our current efforts have not produced the desired results, what direction should we pursue to obtain such a treasure and why should we negotiate a new life strategy? In other words if what you are doing now does not work, stop doing it. It is that simple. In stopping the endless motions and attempts to create a new life, we come to a complete stop. We discard all that we have accumulated and go back to the beginning. It is never too late to begin again.

If the Lord of Life could begin His earthly ministry in a manger, then we can abandon the pretexts of our lives and focus on the simple truth that we are all spiritual beings. We were not created for wealth, lust, greed, pleasure or vindication. We have been created to know Him, serve Him and love Him in this life and share eternity with Him. So where I start this journey makes little difference, a mansion on the East Coast or a death row cell on the West Coast.

In seeking out a relationship with the King who lived like a servant, we acquire the privilege of son-ship with that King, even while we are living in the squalor of a prison. The mind is incapable of embracing the radical notion of this concept. We can only spiritually apprehend this reality by engaging in a relationship with Jesus Christ. If the Lord could come a dwell among us, do you really believe that He would reject a soul that humbly came and confessed his/her sin and asked for forgiveness. It is that simple, coming to Our Creator in faith like the blind man who called out for Jesus as he walked by. This blind man knew that if He could just get to Jesus his whole life would change. That is the kind of faith that moves mountains. Mountains of despair and regret. Mountains of sadness and sorrow. And mountains of humiliations and losses.

Trusting is the act of putting faith into operation. As I read the words of scripture my inner man is renewed and transformed. I start to catch the vision and the spiritual reality starts to manifest in my life no matter where that home may currently be. Knowing that the Holy Spirit is responsible for changing my heart, I stop fretting and worrying about things outside of my personal control. I start to embrace a day to day walk with Jesus Christ as He shows me the divine plan for my life. Nothing I have done previously will keep me from living in His presence. That is the free gift of the Lord, the same God who came and started His life in a lowly manger. Consider what you have now in life, what you have accumulated and accomplished, would it ever match the forgiveness of Our Risen Savior and the everlasting love of God? Doesn’t some small precious part of you hunger to be loved and accepted as a member of the family?

SINNER’S PRAYER  

Lord I have blown it in every area of my life. No matter how I kind myself with bluster and lies, I know deep down inside that I am a sinner unworthy of Your mercy and forgiveness. I draw strength from the promise of Your word, that if I come to You and confess my sins, that You will be faithful to save me from my sin. I believe that Your Son, Jesus Christ suffered and died for my sinfulness. I come to You and confess my sinfulness and ask for Your forgiveness so that I may spend the rest of my life in relationship with You.

We are all residing on borrowed time and will end our human existence when we draw our last breath. Strangely many people miss the fact that the ultimate reality in life is the ongoing battle which rages between good and evil. It is the only manifest ongoing reality that continues to shape our lives with each new decision that we make. The amazing thing about this largely unseen battle is that it expresses its influence in every aspect of our lives, but is crafted as a super-ordinate sphere of inspiration in the midst of our very thought lives. Once choices are exercised by individuals we act as though those are the only choices with which we can shape our destiny. Locked in like a guided missile we often continue to pursue the very things that bring us pain and harm to others. We are blinded to the notion that there is an alternative to self-destruction.

That choice seems to diminish in the distance as we roll down the highway of self-satisfaction. But the truth is that throughout our lives we glimpse tiny visions of another way. Many dismiss these small windows of hope believing themselves to be too far gone, beyond any likelihood or opportunity of salvation. Others focus their worldly hatreds upon the person of God since they believe that it is Him who has failed them. Recently I have been working with someone who is severely wounded in this way. He is unable to even approach a rational discussion about the possibilities of as a caring Creator. I see his horrible pain yet I am powerless to dress his wounds or care for his soul since he has laid the full extent of his lifelong sufferings at God’s doorstep. The most appalling thing about this situation is the fact that Satan has him blinded to the truth. He is unable to distinguish the wicked voices of the past that urged him to vent his fury upon others violently, completely missing the soft sweet voice of His Savior calling him into relationship.

Many think that they have to change their lives completely before God would hear their cries. Others give up at the overwhelming task of trying to make things right. All of these beliefs are simple ploys of the devil who does not want you or I to know of the sweetness of God’s love for us or the promise of redemption from all of our past sins. I do not have to make myself ready for an encounter with the God of the universe. I merely need to acknowledge Him and ask for His forgiveness. My entire sin debt has already been paid in full. There is actually noting more that I can do to make things right, than to ask for His forgiveness. Like an earthly father who gives good things to his children, Our Father desperately wants to bless us in all we do. But like my friend, if we keep pushing His hand away from our lives, He MUST honor our choices and allow us to go along our chosen pathways. That is the paradox of free will. When God loves each of us so much that He would allow us to reject Him and choose eternal condemnation.

We all know individuals from our pasts that treated us in some special ways no matter what kind of reputations that we had developed. They choose to see the best in us, not the worst and when in their presence they treated us with compassion and as equally human in all respect. They managed to see past the wicked deeds and manifest evil which ruled our lives and they saw us with a vision of what we could become. They were rare and special people in our lives, given to us to catch hold of another way of living. That is exactly what Jesus Christ did for each of us on the cross at Calvary. He saw the best in us and through His sacrifice swept our futures clear of the consequences of our sins. All that remains is for us to accept His gift of eternal life and the comfort of a life restored in Him. You see it is not all about the bye and bye, the promises of Jesus Christ apply to the lives we are living right now. While it has been a long time since I have worn prison garb, I remember those days well. I was unable to see past my own ideas of what happiness would be and as a result God was forced to allow me to pursue those things that I thought would bring me joy.

Inevitably I found that the very things that I had been seeking for so long were causing me incredible pain and depriving me of my life. I was the direct cause of my own pain, but I blamed God and others for the state of my life. So I can understand my friend very well indeed. But it is like we are talking two separate languages. He does not understand the basis for my concern for his spiritual life. He can only see my actions as abrasive and insensitive. I recently had a friend commit suicide because of his extreme isolation from others. He saw no alternative but to shoot himself to stop his pain.  I grieved his death, but decided at that point that I would not be slack in telling others about the truth. So my friend who has no knowledge of this event can only reflect upon my words. I do not want him to be focused on anything else, but the truth of God’s Word. What I have to say is immaterial and unimportant. What God has to say to each of us in the ultimate reality. I am nothing, He is all.

I believe that most people hunger for imparted righteousness. They want to stand clean before God, but have no idea how to get to that point in their lives. They spend an incredible amount of time and energy attempting to ascend to God in their daily struggles to be worthy of His love. The inherent problem with this type of thinking lies in the simple fact that there is NOTHING we can do to elevate ourselves. We are all sinners and therefore are unworthy of anything but eternal condemnation. But God is not a human being, we are created in His image and likeness. Nevertheless His ways are far higher that our ways. In His incredible love for each of us, He has made a way for us to reach out to Him. That way is the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior. Talk about having an inside track on life, this is the real thing. And all we need do to access this salvation link is to call upon Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness for our sins. It is really just that simple. In that moment of quiet confession, our lives are covered by His righteousness and our sin debt is paid in full. Christians should not boast of anything, but the love of Jesus Christ in their lives. Given that His mercy and compassion has enveloped our lives, we should be the first to forgive others and share this great love with others freely. My sins are scarlet and festering, Christ is the healing oil that restores my spirit and fills my life with purpose and joy.

Before I came into this relationship, I remember that when I heard these kinds of statements uttered by others, I would think that these claims were just too fantastic to be true. Like the taste of vanilla ice cream, if you have never tasted it then you have no idea what ice cream is or what vanilla might taste like; it is no different with understanding the grace of God. If you have not tasted of God’s goodness and mercy, then you have NO reference point by which to gage His promises as they apply to your life. You can only go by what others have had to say about God and that includes former “religious” experiences. Religion can never get you to where you want to go. God is spirit, the only way that we can ever relate to a holy God is in spirit and in truth.

I must come to Him as I am; a sinner….a hopeless and helpless sinner. In spite of all my good intentions, over and over again I find myself at odds with what God has spoken into my life. That is everyone’s reality. We all are engaged in the daily battle between good and evil. Only those who are totally blinded by Satan’s ploys and lies, refuse to see the repetitive cycle of events which dominate our lives. In the act of surrender I reach out to God and place the struggle into His hands, asking Him to guide me along my future pathway. It is that simple. God is love, and when we want to have a relationship He will make that possible by the grace He pours out onto all lives. You see all human life is precious to God, it is Satan who hates us and seeks to destroy us by getting us caught up in his trap of deception and deceit. Satan’s hatred of us is based upon a simple concept. We are all made in God’s image and likeness. When Satan looks upon any of us, he is revolted by the indelible mark of our Creator’s love, present in all human life, past, present and future. If Satan can get us to renounce our Father’s love, then he can claim our eternal souls by default. In other words he can trick us out of our eternal inheritance as a child of God.  Don’t take my word for it, pray about these statements and search the scriptures of the Holy Bible. You will find the truth if you truly seek it. Truth is eternal. It never varies. It is a light to your path throughout life.

*****

There will always be people in your life that kick you when you are down. And when you manage to stand up tall, they want to pull you down again. But the challenge of living is to give them room to vent their anger and still be a loving witness of God’s work in your life. I recently had a similar experience with family members that was a painful reminder of my own limitations in healing the wounds of others. Sometimes the only recourse that we have available to us is to place those individuals in God’s care. Given the fact that we each have free will, we are powerless to impact the thought life of another human being. I recently saw a news piece in which the mother of a man killed by another individual waited until the noose was placed around the killer’s neck and he was standing on the edge of eternity. Moving around in front of the prisoner, she slapped him across the face and then publicly forgave him for his actions. They happened in Iran, in a nation that has been billed as hostile to Western values. I was inspired by her actions since no one would have condemned her for allowing his execution to go forward. Yet in the midst of her turmoil and pain, she was able to remember the value of a human life and meet out justice with an overwhelming sense of compassion. She must be a remarkable person and one that I would have enjoyed getting to know. The reality of her pain did not her ability to impart mercy to one who did not deserve this consideration. What a tribute to her lost son, to have a mother with such integrity. In the U.S. we lose sight of an individual’s worth with the pronouncement of the death sentence. God never loses sight of our worth to Him. He is not a person like us, but rather Our Heavenly Father who pours Himself out upon us in loving forgiveness and everlasting mercy. This is an important reminder to me as I start to heal from recent events which occurred in my own life. It is a matter of choice to forgive those who have injured us. To let go of the pain and anger of hatred and exclusion and to make a point to live out each day with a fresh vision of God’s love for us. It takes work to keep this reminder before our eyes, it does not take any effort to hate someone blindly because they have hurt us deeply.  When I hate I lose this day and every day that I am consumed with these feelings.

In the battle between good and evil, there are few lulls in the struggle. An internal battle rages in our thoughts which expresses the state of our hearts. I cannot be phony in my attitudes toward others, when I am in deep pain I can only ask God to soothe my discomfort and to strengthen me for the days ahead. I am often powerless in my ability to help myself, but I know that there is One who will always respond to my cry for help. He is faithful and loving. So one day at a time I choose the road that I will follow. My reality changes as I make those daily decisions. I find the strength and focus to stay committed even when I have stepped off of the pathway to life. I am never on my own, there is always a Presence in my life to help me through those moments when I cannot take the next step by myself. Hope does not stem from a governors commutation of sentence or from a pardon. It comes solely from the knowledge that there is One who totally understands the challenges and sins of your life and this One will never abandon you. People will always fail us, but God never fails us at our point of need. He has a different viewpoint concerning our lives and seeks to promote our wellbeing if we are willing to trust our lives to His care. If you come from a background of having no trust in anyone else, then it is a very difficult thing to reach out a trust an unseen God with the only thing that is yours…..your own life. I do not expect you to grasp this challenge on my word alone. Ash Him yourself to revel Himself in your life. He knows everything about you and will respond to an open and honest prayer request for His help. He also knows about your doubts and fears and is in the best possible situation to respond in a way that only He could give to you as an answer to your prayer. In your life you have tried many things that did not work out so well in the end. In this simple suggestion you have nothing to lose in asking for His help and everything to gain.

I would encourage you to think clearly about the message of this letter. There is an ongoing battle between good and evil, it is all around us. Take a long look at the world and ask yourself if you can, to explain how these things happen if there is no spiritual warfare at work in our lives. Share with me any other explanation which you might embrace, because it seems to be incredibly evident that we are caught up in this battle throughout our lives. Our solitary role is to make a decision which side of the battle we are going to join. If you have previously made the wrong decision, you can change that choice even now. That is what God’s love is all about, forgiveness and mercy. He is not our enemy, rather our Creator who understands every aspects of our lives. That is why He sent His son, Jesus Christ to pay for the complete sin debt that we each owe. Would you choose to die in your own sin, rather than accept a heavenly pardon? It may seem bizarre, but some are so deluded by the lies of Satan that they go to their deaths believing that they cannot be forgiven. Please remember that in the Scriptures, Satan is known as the Father of Lies. Think about people who have lied to you, were they seeking your best interests?

If you take the time to study Scripture you will find that it contains a story about the struggle between good and evil. It is not my story, it is God’s love letter to us to warn us and help us as we go through our days. As you take the time to read and understand this love letter, pieces which have been missing throughout your life will start to fall into place. You will come to an understanding about things that you never previously understood. As that happens you will be filled with the knowledge that you are the one that this letter was written about and that God’s love is for you and me. It is not something unreachable, it was given as a divine gift to all those who reach out and accept it. You see a gift is nothing until it has been accepted by the one to whom it has been given. If the governor offered you the gift of a pardon on the date set for your execution, would you refuse to accept it? Most would accept it joyfully and look forward to the days that remained in their lives. That gift would bring a whole new vision of life. Closed doors opening to you because of an unexpected gift. That is the same way that the salvation which was earned by Jesus Christ works in our lives. It is a precious gift just waiting to be accepted by us. None of us can earn this privilege on our own. We are all sinners standing before a holy God. Because of His great love for us, He has made a way for us to live in peace with Him because of Jesus Christ’s sacrifice for each of us. It does not matter what YOU have done in the past. All that matters now is what you do with the truth that you have been given. Explore the gift, ask for guidance, share it with others and watch what God starts to do with a life that has been written off by the rest of society. I am older now and I have seen the hand of God work in the strangest of ways in lives of believers. I cannot stand by myself, I am merely a human being riddled with faults and failures, but my Creator is able to take my willingness to be changed and shape it into something that is valuable and precious to Him.

He has promised to do this for all of us. There are no exceptions to this rule of life. The only condition attached to this promise is the fact that we must accept the gift and act upon its promises. Nothing else is required. There is nothing else you can do in your own power. That is what makes this promise of redemption so powerful, because on our own initiative we cannot do anything to change our situation. But God comes along side and offers us a free gift out of His great love for us. If I look around at others I see nothing to recommend by belief in a loving God, because all of the others that I see are struggling with their own issues in this battle of good versus evil. We are all like blind men who cannot offer others any real sense of direction. We are the blind leading the blind. But there is One who has the power to heal that lifelong blindness if we are just willing to ask Him to heal us. As our Father He wants to bless us, it is only Satan who wants to use us into deceiving others and spending eternity in hell with him. Like crabs in a barrel, as one starts to climb out on top of the others, the crabs below will grab the one on top and pull it back down into the barrel. You have seen this happen in life with people that you know personally. Do not let this happen to you, take the hand that has been offered to you from above. It is a hand that you can trust.

This period of time has contained high points and low points in my life. But I know that I am His and will move through this rough time into a green valley where my peace is restored. I know this because it is the story of my life since coming into relationship with Jesus Christ. I have had to learn how to be silent and know that He is God. When I am willing to calm the storm that rages in my heart, He always manifests His presence in the events of my life. Already today I have seen how my recent family experiences have helped me to understand the plight of others who are wrestling with pain and shame in their own lives. That knowledge helps me to understand that I am not here by accident, but rather to reach out to others in love and compassion. That knowledge gives me great strength and direction. I pray that you will find the same knowledge within yourself

A PRAYER FOR WISDOM: Help me Lord to know Your truth for my life. Help me to act upon Your great love for me and help me to bless others in Your name. I trust in You.

So this letter comes addressed to you from the level of my floor as I try to stand back up and pour out my guilt and pain to a Risen Savior. From this experience I have come to understand the helplessness of my own spiritual condition and can embrace more fully my need for the forgiveness of Jesus Christ in everything that I try to undertake. So in this letter I more fully approach you as a brother or sister in need of His tender mercies and ongoing encouragement. It is very easy to tell others how to fix the wrongs in their lives, and society seems to give an exaggerated for of importance to those of us who arrive beyond the year 65. It is all selfish nonsense to assume that any of us is in a position to criticize others or to make judgments about their spiritual integrity.

So this letter is written from a new understanding of God’s word in my own life. It is a continuing attempt to lift those who have fallen and become the target of society’s kicks and rejection. Seeing my own unworthiness so sharply defined against the holiness of God has been an event which I cannot explain in words. I am left with a greater level of intensity to be a witness and a friend to those in need of comfort and support. If I did not have this letter to write to you, I suspect that I would have lost my own sense of purpose after recent events. So I am humbled to be able to pour out my limited understanding of God’s grace and forgiveness. Perhaps we can assist each other down this road of life and celebrate the redeeming work of Jesus Christ together throughout eternity.

My day started with a breakfast meeting with a close friend. I define this as a closer friendship because there is nothing between us which bars the most intimate of conversations. Today’s conversation focused on the private effects of sin. I sat with him and poured out the recent events which have led me into the experience of disconnection with God. I was able to freely discuss my personal vulnerabilities and the ways that we try to hide from God after sinning. My behaviors were no different that those of Adam and Eve after their act of disobedience.

They hid out of shame from their loving Creator. I am no different, even though my wounds were self inflicted. The primary difference lies in the fact that through the mercy and compassion of Jesus Christ I was able to return and seek His forgiveness and restoration into relationship with Him: For me that is the essential message of redemption. The right to acknowledge my wrongs and ask for His forgiveness and mercy:  There is no such thing as easy absolution from sin or cheap forgiveness. It cost Him his life, horrible torture, the rejection of society and burial in a borrowed tomb. That is a pretty hefty price to pay for my wrongdoing.

As I ask myself the questions about why He would be willing to do this for me, I am left with only one obvious answer. Why would anyone die for someone else, especially someone caught up in their own personal wickedness? It was the act of Supreme Love for a wretch like me. How can a Holy God descend to pay the price of my selfishness, in fact how can He even look upon me when I have made an instantaneous decision to do things my own way? Why would He not cast me aside and discard me like a broken tool of no use? This only answer is the true nature of His love for you and me.

I have sought his forgiveness and mercy and am comforted that out of the wicked experience He has allowed me to put these words down to share with you. I am indebted to His glory and majesty that even in the midst of my fall He can catch me and turn something repulsive into an act of fellowship with others who struggle with their own issues. Only God who walked the face of the earth like you and me could personally know the pain we endure when we cut ourselves off from His grace and goodness.

So my Easter defeat has become an Easter victory as I see His goodness and glory working in the shameful events. Like Peter on the sea shore after Jesus resurrection, I can personally understand the intensity of the questions which Jesus asked Peter. DO YOU LOVE ME, Jesus asked Peter three times. Three times Peter had to look at the shamefulness of his betrayal of his Friend and Savior. But hat experience of confronting his sinfulness in the presence of Jesus Christ was a time of healing and spiritual restoration. My personal confrontation with my own sinfulness while shameful and painful has become a touchstone of spiritual renewal and has strengthened me for the days ahead.

Do you need Him to renew you soul and refresh your spirit? Do you need to be washed in the blood of Our Lord and Savior. All you need do is ask for His forgiveness and He will pour out that blessing of restoration and redemption upon your request. I took several days before coming into a right relationship of repentance with Jesus Christ. During that time there was no spiritual comfort, only despair and personal humiliation over my wicked choices. Satan is an expert at encouraging us to sin and then when we go for I, he is the first to ridicule us before God’s heavenly throne. In that time immediately after sinning, he skillfully attempts to get us to believe that we could never be forgiven for our actions before a loving God.

What he does not want you to know is the fact that God never stops loving you and only waits patiently for us to acknowledge our sinfulness and ask for the restoration of fellowship with Him. That is the core of Christianity, our relationship with a tender and loving God. A God who was willing to have His Son die in our place. A God who would rather His Son suffer for us than to see any of us slip into hell based upon Satan’s lies. So if you are in that place of spiritual isolation, all you need to do is cry out for mercy and forgiveness. He will always hear His child’s desperate cry for help. My sinful slip may serve you well in ripping away the mask of spiritual exclusion which Satan craftily puts into the minds of those who have violated God’s law of love. But with that masked snatched away, his attempts to cut us off from the grace of God will always fail. Could you look upon a helpless child and not have any feelings about its vulnerability? That is the way that Jesus Christ looks upon us as we stumble through his lifetime. Always present and always a friend. So I would ask you to let my painful stumbling be a source of freedom for you no matter where your body may be housed. I was sorely troubled by my actions and wrote the following prayer calling out to the mercies of God. I share this with you out of a deep and abiding affection toward each of you, in the hopes that it will refresh and restore your own spirits.

THE SADNESS OF SINFULNESS

The dark garden of despair….

I wonder at the love that has restrained Your hand from smiting down. I am saddened by my sinfulness and betrayal of Your love. Oh Lord have mercy on me as I grasp the awareness that I have sinned against You, the One who has eternally loved me. There is a place of despair inside of me that feels it could never be restored to fellowship with You. I know that is a lie of the evil one, the same one who has urged me to make destructive choices. I cannot lift myself up, my burden is too great. Please have mercy upon me. For without Your mercy, grace and forgiveness I cannot take my next breath. My body must refuse the gift of the air that I breathe as it presses in upon me and reminds me that You care for me and love me in the most divine ways possible. I am repelled and filled with self-loathing that I would take Your sweet offer of friendship so lightly. Please Lord, hear my cry just one more time, let me hear the sweetness of Your comforting love. I cannot bear to remain apart from Your presence and I esteem myself as nothing in Your presence. If I lose You and Your love than I have lost everything with any meaning. So long, too long I have taken Your graciousness for granted. Always believe that I could enter Your throne room at any time and make things right with you by calling upon your mercy and forgiveness. My sin is not yesterday’s, but a lifetime of taking You for granted. I cannot bear to look at myself and the harm my actions have engendered in my life and the lives of others.  The fact that I would choose to pursue a moment of distraction and to close my mind off from conscious contact with Your Holy Spirit disgusts me. I can see why hell becomes a personal choice and an absolute punishment. For to be cast away from Your presence is the greatest tragedy which could await any man. I have long known the words, without having the experience of this moment. God forgive me, I feel like nothing will ever be right again, yet Your word comforts me even at this grievous moment. I am an abject failure who has pursued my own understanding, which has been dimmed by my failure to pursue You as a light to my path. If you will grant me a brief moment of redemption and hope of eternal salvation, with Your grace I will live out my life in the grateful service to Your Holy Name. I have no claim upon Your Grace, I can only petition at Your bloodied feet for Your promise of compassion. Please Lord guide me out of this deep, dark garden of horrors, all of my own making and wash me in Your precious blood. Jesus I trust in you with all my heart.

Forgiveness, true forgiveness and redemption, is a gift of God. I can do nothing in my sinful condition to restore relationship with God. It is an act of incredible compassion and mercy that moves me from the clutches of sin and guilt into the Throne Room of My Father. I can do nothing to make things right, the gift only flows out of His great love for you and me. Most of us have no reference point in our lives to try to start to understand that kind of love. But the truth is that it is available to each of us as a free gift. Just for the asking. Please do not let your eternal life choices hang on my words alone. Ask Him yourself and experience His healing love for you. He will never fail to answer that simple prayer of a contrite heart.

Peter grieved his sinfulness and I have grieved my own. But that pain and shame has been washed away in the outpouring of God’s love for each of us. Continued stumbling in the darkness of life is a choice. Why not step into the light of His love and put that spiritual burden down. A spiritual advisor suggested that I seek counsel in Psalms 139 to allow the healing grace of God to restore peace to my soul. I want to share that short message with you.

O Lord, you have searched me

And you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise

You perceive my thoughts from afar

You discern my going out and my lying down

You are familiar with all my ways

Before a word in on my tongue

You know it completely, Lord.

You hem me in-behind and before

You have laid Your hand upon me

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me.

Too lofty for me to attain

Where can I go from Your Spirit

Where can I flee from Your presence?

If I go up to the heavens You are there

If I make my bed in the depths, You are there

If I rise on the wings of the dawn

If I settle on the far side of the sea

Even there Your hand will guide me

Your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say surely the darkness will hide me

And  light becomes night around me

even the darkness will not be dark to You

The night will shine like the day

For darkness is light to You.

For You created my inner being

You knit me together in my mother’s womb

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made

Your works are wonderful

I knew that full well My frame was not hidden from You

When I was made in the secret place

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth

You saw my unformed body

All the days ordained for me

Were written in Your book

Before one of them came to be

How precious to me are Your thoughts Oh Lord

How vast is the sum of them

Were I to count them

They would outnumber the grains of sand

When I awake

I am still with You.

If only You would slay the wicked Oh God

Away from me you bloodthirsty men

They speak of You with evil intent

Your adversaries misuse Your name

Do I hate those who hate You Oh Lord?

And abhor those who rise up against You?

I have nothing but hate for them

I count them my enemies

Search me O God and know my heart

Tst me and know my anxious thoughts

See if there is any offensive way in me

And lead me in the way everlasting.

The pridefulness that slips into our lives in the moments before we act on our anger, selfishness, greed or lusts blinds us to the danger in the moments just before we sin. It is only later that we look back and see how wrongful our actions were, but by then we are often left with the consequences which we must pay and the guilt we bear. This is true of everyone, not just those on death row. It seems to be the slippery slope leading to detachment from God’s ever present love for us. I hope that my words bring you a sense of comfort, rather than feeling condemned by another person. You see we share the same spiritual battle. Sin is sin and there are no grades to sinfulness. There is no such thing as a white lie, each event is evil and causes suffering for a loving God. But it is only with His grace that I can move toward living a different life. By myself I cannot do anything to change my own wicked ways.

Dearest Child,

Your current situation troubles my heart more than you could know. It pains me to see you struggling with choices that I know will harm you and leave you wounded for a lifetime. Yet I know that unless I let you move ahead and discover these things for yourself, then you will never come to understand how much I really love you.

When the steel cell door closed behind you it left a ringing sound in my memory that has echoed through all of my thoughts about you. Just as you suffer now behind walls and barbed wire, I also suffer to see you in such pain. It seems that you cannot hear my voice anymore saying I love you. You have forgotten the quiet moments we have shared in the past. Your very being calls out for care and comfort, but when I seek to bring you into fellowship with me, you push away and distance yourself.

So I am left with watching you destroy yourself and others. My only way to reach you is to stand apart and allow you to exercise your own free will. Perhaps in some future season your pain will become unbearable and in your anguish you will call upon me to come to your aid. That seems to be the way that many of my children find their way back into a loving relationship with me. I am waiting patiently for your invitation to come to your assistance. It is my great love for you that keeps me waiting patiently in the shadows of your life.

As you look at the cold starkness of the world that now surrounds you, it is difficult to remember loving moments and the warmth of someone who love you. While the cold prison environment embraces your body and limits your mind, please let your spirit reach out and be touched with my love and care for you. You are my precious child; how could I ever fail to remember you as my own. Come home sweet child, to the One who truly loves you and waits to welcome you back home. We will have a feast to welcome you home and you will truly be loved as one of the family.

Your Loving Father..

*****

Every aspect of our lives is known to God, and in spite of all of our wickedness He never gives up on us. It is not your crimes or offenses that will determine where you will spend eternity. For mine are equally black, and my sinfulness haunts me. The only thing that will be asked of you on that day will be a single question about “Did you make Jesus Christ Lord of Your life?” If you can reply in the affirmative, then it is essential to know that you are RESTORED to fellowship wherever you are right now. There is no waiting period, it is an instantaneous transformation. A gift from The Holy Spirit: Only in eternity can any of us look back and see how God used all of the events of our lives to work out His divine plan.

That does not mean he allowed or encouraged our sinfulness. That is solely the realm of Satan who wants to see us in hell with him for eternity. Anything that reminds him of God’s holiness, he is intent upon destroying. Remember that each of us…thugs, murderers, rapists, thieves and liars were made in the image and likeness of God. WE each carry the indelible mark of God’s creative workmanship. If Satan can capture our soul then he delights in bringing his victory before the throne of God. Remember to read Job in your Bible.  It will help you to come into an understanding of Satan’s role. It is always best to know your enemy, so you can guard yourself when he attacks. And he will attack you when you least expect it. I know because I fell down recently and have used that experience to create a shield of prayer and truth about you. Was my fall painful, yes, but it has taught me to remain ever watchful and to be on my spiritual guard at all times.

*****

LORD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME

IN spite of my best intensions I continue to stumble and fall. When I am down on the ground again, I feel that I am so far from Your loving hand. Please Lord, reach out Your hand and catch me, like You caught Peter when he began to sink because of his doubt. Fill me Lord with certain knowledge of Your presence in my life. Help me to surrender all of my wickedness and the trash of my life. I believe that You can restore what the locust have eaten. I place myself in Your care. Jesus I trust in You.

Today is a gloomy day with intermittent storms passing through South Louisiana. It has also been a time of soul searching about the Dismas Project ministry. I received the art work today for the cover of the second book (written for offenders). I liked one of the items that were offered. I am struggling with my ability to continue to embrace a positive and motivated outlook about this work. I am at this place for many reasons, but the one that seems to be most apparent is the fact SO many people talk about the value of this ministry, honestly it is a struggle and major effort to continue moving forward. I frequently hear the voices of people who encourage this effort, yet they are unwilling or unable to come together in an organized fashion to change the face of isolation for offenders and their family members. So I am left wondering if I am carrying this message for God, or if I am pushing forward because of some unrecognized need of my own.

My head and heart tells me that there are millions of people in America who are hurting and wounded by events stemming from an encounter with the criminal justice system. My intellect tells me that these souls are hunkered down in communities’ across the country, trying to make themselves small and unnoticeable.  Pain does strange things to people. One of the most consistent things that I hear from death row offenders is the lack of contact with family for any number of reasons. I believe that Dismas Project can be an effective resource in helping to re-establish and restore contact with loved ones. This is a practical outreach which is offered to you to help ease the pain of isolation and condemnation. Every human being has inherent value and dignity and even the smallest steps can be helpful in easing the pain.

I struggle with my own spirituality just the same as you. I long to be able to do the “right thing” but more often than not I fall flat on my face. I often feel like I am laboring in a long field that is covered with large rocks and boulders. My wife has interpreted that this dream and has told me that I must move the boulders and rocks before I can sew any seeds into the land below the rocks and boulders. She also told me that any harvest is a long way off. Now I can certainly agree with her assessment based upon the slow growth in this ministry outreach. By the way I do not like struggling with rocks and boulders, but that seems to be my lot at the present time. I share these things with you because I believe that perhaps these efforts may give you an understanding about the underlying thoughts that we have for each of you.

At this particular time, I have been experiencing a surge of gratitude. What that means in practical terms is that I find myself considering the past – my personal history- with a sense of newness and pleasure. The nuns that took the time to educate me as a student at St. Joseph’s elementary school: assisted in building the grounds to my monthly outreach to you. The gift of learning that they passed onto me is the basis of my ability to write to you each month. I think that more than a few of them would strongly approve of this ministry. The gift of helps that I received today from a laser printer repair man who came to my home to repair our new printer was astonishing. : After he finished his work he told me that I should take the money I would have paid for his efforts and use it for this ministry and the gift of encouragement that I received from the cheerful and helpful young woman at Walgreens.  There are times when I struggle with the meaning to this ministry that God has given to me, but it is these private encounters that seem to restore my spirits and strengthens my resolve to continue this outreach. It is my hope that these simple messages strengthen each of you.

Today I received a letter from a death row prisoner who asked me to take him off the mailing list. Of course I will honor his request, but will continue to pray for him and others who find my letters a burden rather than a comfort. Today I also received a letter from a man in Arizona who is doing hard time in lock down or protective custody as the system calls it. His pain was discernible in his words. WE have all offended others in our earthly walk, some more offensively than others. But what I have come to understand is that God’s forgiveness covers all kinds of sins.  So, I am not willing to engage in the judgment of others instead, it is my hope to restore others to human relationship by showing mercy and compassion to my brothers and sisters in chains.

Perhaps the words that flow as I write to you are part of my ancestral heritage having been born of Irish Catholic parents. They say that Ireland is the land of writers and poets and its offspring has traveled far and wide scattering the seeds of knowledge and discernment. Maybe a little of that heritage has rubbed off on me. I know that the American culture has morphed my viewpoint toward unwise tolerance and acceptance. Somewhere between these diverse viewpoints the bridge of Christianity has transformed my understanding and revitalized my vision of brotherly love and service. One thing that I am certain of at this point in my life is that personal spirituality is the key to restoring a meaningful relationship with God.

For me to speak of personal spirituality means the attitude shift that has encompassed my view of life. Somewhere in my early prayerful engagement the Holy Spirit began a long term transformation which has introduced me to the Love of God.  It was out of that experience with love that I have been able to come to understand the majesty of Jesus Christ’s life, death and resurrection in very personal matters. This does not mean that I have not stumbled in my thoughts words or deeds instead, it means that no matter how often I fall. Jesus is always standing by and saying I’ve got you covered Kevin! What a friend indeed. That reality feeds my desire to know Him better, so reading the Holy Bible is not a task, but a time to spend with a dear friend. It also becomes a time of refreshment and encouragement. My hope is that you find similar comfort. My words have no value in themselves; they merely point the way toward the One who loves us with such passion that He was willing to die for each of us. He NEVER gives up on any of us don’t give up on Him.

What I have noticed in my personal life is the strange reality that often, very often my best attempts to communicate with those close to me ( or those I perceive as close to me) triggers a cold and rejecting response. My spirituality has led me to a place where I now understand that the response informs me about their own personal struggles during their life journeys. That shift in awareness has helped me to continue to express mercy and compassion to them rather than to withdraw into a protective barrier of isolation. That renewal of spirit and focus toward others is directly related to the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. I could not produce that response on my own. It also serves well in writing various books to expand the understanding of others regarding the value and dignity of all lives.

In the early months of this year I wrote about rejection, despair and devastation, a range of topics which could touch every reader’s life if they cared to be honest with themselves. In fact I received a handful of requests for death row prisoners requesting that I take them off of our mailing list. I imagine that my words had a profound effect upon their lives in terms of revisiting sadness and regrets. I am not one to put a happy face on the truths of our lives I rather used that background of reality to paint a clear understanding of the absolute value that reconciliation and restoration has in determining the ultimate meaning in each of our lives. I trust in your ability to find value in having someone relate to you as a truth teller. The same principles that I have written about to you apply to my own life. That is why I have a passion to share with each of you a new way of looking at your life and the choices that you still have the ability to make.  I believe in your value and dignity in spite of your earthly struggles.

Tonight I went to dinner at Cracker Barrel and received the third gift of the day. The young waitress who waited upon me has the unusual ability to be spontaneously honest with others. I asked a question which puts people in an immediate state of conflict with their personal accomplishments and she responded from the heart. What a wonderful gift to find another truth teller, even in one so young. It has been a red letter day, having encountered so many quality people. This is what replenishes my spirit and allows me to extend my hand to others. Sometimes I go a long distance without this kind of refreshment, but when I find it, it is so refreshing and rewarding. I write to you in the same hope of developing a relationship of caring and truth that underlies all of our correspondence. I can’t ask you for it, it has to be freely given and received. That is the nature of true human interaction. You will not find any entertainment value in my writings they are meant to touch a hallow place in your life that has gone a long way without any refreshment or care. That is my way of restoring a quality of humanity to your lives. It probably seems foreign to you that someone would want to humanize your experience of life. But that is who I am and what I am about as I move toward the finish of my life’s journey. Isn’t this what the meaning of life is all about?

While I am trained as a neuropsychologist, my views stem from the reality of God’s love in my life. I understand the structure and function of the brain, but it is my experience with the vitality of the human spirit that funds my desire to reach out and share a different viewpoint with you. It is not over till it’s over. That is the most dynamic aspect of having a soul. Things can be transformed in a moment of understanding and acceptance. There is no separate article this month it just felt right to share recent events in my life and offer them to you as a way of deepening your own understanding. If you and I could spend a few hours together, these are the things that I would most desire to share with you: The true experience of living. Then no one could ever take this away from you ever again or deprive you of living out each day to the maximum.

I am sitting here waiting for a call from a friend in Canada who was released from prison in October. He is having a very difficult time adjusting since his name and record was published in the newspaper upon his release, urging the public to protest themselves from this man. He served over 35 years in prison and somehow is still viewed as a serious threat in a wheel chair. Oh how Satan loves to use fear as a principal weapon to keep us from recognizing the humanness inside each of us. During our last conversation he told me that he was on the verge of re-offending so that he can go back inside. At least in that environment he would be accepted and have meaningful dialogue with others. His other choice was to commit suicide. What a tragic set of choice to live your life between. Few people have a true understanding of Christianity, and fewer try to live out its principles in their daily lives, yet they all think that they are going to heaven! That is pride and arrogance. God hates the proud, but He will sustain the humble hearted. I strongly believe that Jesus Christ has a special affection for prisoners based upon His actions.

Everyone who receives this letter has something of great value to share with me and others, a color, music, thoughts or memories. I need to encourage you to reach beyond those bars that confine you and share the slightest of treasures. They will have meaning to me personally and to those who are learning about your humanity.  I believe that the way that we change things happens by building connections one person at a time. I attended a conference at Delta State University in Mississippi this week where I was a speaker. Before I started my talk, I gave a short pre-test to understand the scope of knowledge that those in the audience had regarding the plight of mass incarceration in America. Only five percent of those attending were able to identify the accurate number of people currently caught up in the criminal justice system. With your help the number of uninformed individuals can steadily be challenged. As they come to real understanding of this political and economic situation they can be a voice for change. So your voice matters and I will amplify it by thousands or more, if you share your words.

One of my hopes for the coming year is to start a family group via Google or Skype so that families of those in prison can have a free resource that speaks to their needs.  As I drove home through the Mississippi delta, I passed MSP at Parchman and I thought of the men living just outside my reach in that environment. My thoughts go out to them and to the others across the US. I noticed as I traveled that things are beginning to bloom. The colors of Spring are a treat and of course they vary by the region that I happen to be visiting. For my spirit they are an evident sign of renewal and hope in new beginnings.  Currently I am working on my third and fourth non-fiction books. One is being written for professionals who work with offenders and their families to open their eyes to the need for mercy and compassion. The other is being written for the general public as a way of informing the average reader of the experience of incarceration, particularly life on death row. The words are my own, but the awareness I am hoping to share with others has come about in part through the letters which have been shared with me over the last several years. Each writer has blessed me in some tangible way and I thank you for what you have entrusted to me. I believe that WE can change things, one person, one day at a time.

During that drive and others like it, I have been given reason to think deeply upon the many circumstances of my own life. At times I find myself reflecting upon those situations which seemed to envelope my life, refusing to let me go. While none have proven fatal each have shaped some aspect of my life, I am sure that I am not alone in these deep personal encounters. So I include the following paragraphs as an invitation to reflect upon your own experiences. So much of our personal experiences occur in the silence of our own persons. I believe that there is a substantive quality to each of these life encounters and when they are shared with others freely they provide a window into the soul of a human being. My thoughts here are nothing more than a window on my personal struggles with fears real and imagined.

The most difficult place that I have ever been trapped is deep within me, far from the comfort of those who truly know me and even farther from the reality which is pressing in on me. My eyes and ears are monitoring data, but my senses can scarcely compete with the excessive head noise that continually distracts me. My mind goes from the extremes of relief to grief as I try to sort my way through a wilderness that I thought I knew so well. There is a battle raging between my head and my heart and the conflict rarely abates. The fury of this struggle causes me to lower my head and block any thoughts or feelings which disagree with what my pain is telling me. Somehow I have become accustomed to the pain of the moment and if I do nothing else, it will just remain the same or it might ease a bit. Nothing I am doing seems to bring actual relief from my on-going pain and as the walls of my protective castle start to fall around me, I am once again starting to wonder where can I flee to next? Inside I feel as if my heart has melted and my mind is permanently stuck in the on position. My taste is gone, my faith is broken, my hungers go unrecognized and my thirst is beyond satiation. I am a form which everyone can reflect upon, but few truly see me these days for who I am. I avoid the mirrors because the image they cast back has no common points with the person that I was at one time.

In my haste to abandon pain and threats of exposure I have left behind a world of people, places and things. Somehow I have exchanged that reality for an illusion of safety and personal peace. It is not distance which feeds my spirit, nor will safety be found in exchanging one role for another. Inevitably wherever I go, there I am, the same person carrying the burdens that I sought to leave behind me. You see I am your soul, I see all, hear all and more importantly I know all: That little voice, that troublesome nudge from conscience, that dull reminder of damaged ties fill the soul with the laments of distress that cannot be extinguished in the absence of truth. If truth is our guide, then I can always return to the dream I have been pursing, only this time with the soothing balm of healing love, rather than the turmoil of ongoing pain. I can repair & restore the damage which has been created by defusing the terror which has pervaded the lives of those who love me. Then I am free to choose whatever course suits my present & my future. In giving love to those who treasure me, I can recapture a sense of intimacy we have shared & move past the demands my fears make.

PRAYER FOR FAITH

Lord only You know the pathways of my life and the things that I have done. When things continue to kick me when I am down it is hard to even imagine that someone really loves me. I have few options and one of them is to shut you out and pretend that You do not exist. The options seem bleak and beyond belief. If I am ever going to understand the way You see me, then I desperately need You to fill my life with purpose. I need something that only You can give to me. And the worst part of it is that I do not even know what it is that I need. Perhaps I am horribly broken and unable to recognize or accept myself as I am. Lord I truly need the gift of self-understanding so that I am able to draw some meaning from the journey of my life. But here I am on the edge of eternity and I really have no reason to believe You have any conscious thought of me or my life. But I am taking the only small step possible and asking You to accept me as I am and come into my life. I surrender it all to Your loving care and direction. Thank You.

Last December I made a list of four topics that I wanted to focus upon in these monthly letters. You have received the first three letters already; rejection, despair and devastation. To me, they appear to be a capsule summary of the way that many of us have lived our lives up until now. These topics have provided a foundation upon which I have hoped to build a mutual understanding of relationships with you. You see those previous topics have provided contrast, so that when I speak of reconciliation and restoration it now has visible structure and form that cannot be diminished by prison walls, barbed wire or threats of execution. No longer can those elements of society dictate your future. They are only links to a past, long forgiven and a reflection of what it took to provide you with a personal understanding of your redemption and salvation. These are not words in a holy book, they are words that speak to your present and your future. They are now words, spoken into YOUR life by a Savior who died for the privilege of saving you from eternal damnation.

One of the most condemning activities which humans inflict upon each other is to embrace a spirit of personal withholding which maintains distance from each other. You have offended me so I will withhold fellowship from you. It is a way of punishing others by refusing true fellowship and love. The problem with this approach to communicating with others, is that we eventually isolate ourselves in the process of excluding others. As men and women on death row I would expect that your spirits are sensitive to this type of isolation and distancing. These are the rules by which society places value upon our lives. Death row prisoners may have the least value in a societal maelstrom of competition for limited attention and precious little affection. The very concept of individual worth and dignity which led the state to seek a criminal conviction in your case, is the substance which makes YOUR OWN LIFE incredibly valuable.

This concept of value did NOT start with the law. It started with God’s valuation of YOUR life. He has made His word plainly known, you are His precious child. That is where all value stems from, not from the abstraction which we call law. It is the essence of our being. It cannot be voided or discarded because we have made mistakes, committed crimes and sinned over and over again. It is the bond which links up spiritually to Our Creator and it can never be extinguished or terminated by the actions of man. It is the essential aspect of His love for us, the continuing aspect of His love for us that can never been diminished by others. We remain His children, His precious children even if we resist that gentle loving call to our spirits to come home. We all have that urge to respond to the inward desire to be loved and at peace with others. One of the family, just one of God’s kids.

The world would do its best to wipe out the hope of reunion and reconciliation, but the fact remains that at any time we can take a step toward home and we will always be welcomed back into fellowship. That is the result of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. He paid the eternal price for our sins; all we need to do is accept his sacrifice as total payment for our sins, our transgressions and our failures. Reconciliation means you are part of the family, you have always been part of the family and you will be welcomed as one who is truly loved. No longer do you or I have to make a way to distinguish ourselves either by accomplishment or failures. The depth and breadth of our actions are nothing besides the victory that has been won for us through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

At the same time, nothing that we have done in the past can exclude us from eternity with Jesus if we are willing to cast it all at His feet. There at the foot of the cross we bring all of that personal wreckage and place it in His care knowing that our sin debt is paid in full. He takes that incredible burden as His own and lifts us up in a loving manner, saying welcome home. Many of us spend a substantial part of our life efforts trying to lift ourselves up from the dirt and mire of the street. Trying to undo what we have done, but only making the situation worse with each new effort. Until we feel that we are doomed and beyond any help. When we run up against this belief, we are directly confronting Satan’s lie. He would have us believe that we have no hope for the future, but the reality is that when we recognize our plight and our inability to help ourselves, we come to the point of understanding that only God Himself could have provided a way out of the traps of sin and condemnation. That way out is the life, death and resurrection of Jesus His Only Son, paying our sin debt in full. WHY WOULD HE DO THIS FOR YOU AND ME?

We are made in the image and likeness of God. Satan hates anything that resembles God’s character and will do everything in his power to lead up onto the continuing pathway to damnation. With every soul that he can dupe into believing his lies, he again can offend the holiness and righteousness of God. If he can destroy each of us through sin and temptation, then he has a double victory. First we are lost to redemption and salvation because we refuse to believe in God’s word and trust in His faithful provision to sustain us. Satan than can taunt our loving Creator with the eternal loss of a soul who was loved as a member of God’s family.

God’s justice and mercy and compassion cannot overrule our own choice if we have decided to follow the road to perdition. GOD WILL ALWAYS HONOR OUR CHOICE, even when we make the choice to destroy ourselves. It creates incredible pain for Our Loving Father to see us make that choice, but like the Prodigal’s Father he will allow us to make our own choices, hoping that his incredible love for us will draw us back into relationship with Him.

Word picture help me to understand concepts. Many years ago I was in Bangkok and witnessed a younger man with only stumps for arms and legs, pulling himself along a sidewalk. People were hurrying past him and stepping over him in the rush to whatever destination that they had been seeking. People were stepping around him and over him without any evident awareness of his humanity. He was just an inconvenience to be momentarily dealt with, an uncomfortable distraction. There was no discernible value to be detected in his life or his presence. He was a sore upon the consciousness of society. Best avoided and dismissed from any further thought or consideration.

That nameless man touched my life…over the years I have thought about him frequently as an anchor on the scale of human value, on the worthless end of the scale. He seemed to have nothing that distinguished him as worth the life which seemingly indwelled him.  What was it that kept him holding onto his life? Why didn’t he just give up the ghost and flee this life at the first opportunity? Something that was invisible and intangible existed inside of this man’s life. So that even crawling along a sidewalk without any evidence of compassion from others had meaning in this individual’s view of life. That is the same raw drive that helps someone condemned to death to awaken each morning and pursue whatever the day may bring. This man, sliding along on his belly on a piece of cardboard, touched my heart with his mere presence. I instantly understood that there was little if anything that I could do to manifestly change his life. More importantly he seemed to be put into my path, to change my life. Few experiences have lasted so long over the years, but I think of him and still try to draw meaning from that brief encounter. In God’s great economy he has as much value as the rest of us. Though society has condemned him to live at the barest edge of existence, somehow he manages to draw meaning and strength from his circumstances. How much more so should you and I challenge any notions about limitations or defeats in our lives and use the Grace of reconciliation to drive us forward on a daily basis? Our challenge is to move forward and openly demonstrate a large spirit of life in the midst of indifference and social contempt. The only way to achieve such a personal victory is to come to a full understanding of your true worth in this life and beyond into eternity. Right now there are crowds of heavenly witnesses who are cheering us onward in this life’s struggle between good and evil. If you have fallen down, get up and continue the race. You are racing against your own past, into a new future. With every step forward you grow in your understanding and trust will grow out of that process. While we are all trying to move past those things that would bog us down and keep us in rejection, despair and devastation, it is the promise of reconciliation that empowers our spirits to trust in God’s word….His promises. Listen for the welcoming cries…they are not far off for any of us. The victory is ours, do not let Satan snare you in his web of defeat and disbelief.

So as the nameless man has touched my life and transformed my thinking about the value of life, let my words nourish your spirit and challenge you to lift your head on a daily basis. We are not defined by our pasts;, we have the ability to change direction at any point in our lives. Because YOUR life has great worth and value, I am committed to affirming the dignity of your life. These may sound like strange concepts to discuss with individuals facing the ultimate rejection of society, but it is in the face of such rejection that my words take on a special significance. Do not let anyone, especially the unnamed voices of society, strip away the essence of your humanity. That value was established for all time by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ to pay for your sins/crimes and mine. Easter is around the corner. This is an excellent time to consider the reality of life beyond the domains of space and time.  I have used the example of the disabled man that I met in Bangkok to challenge your notions about the meaning of life. Without exception we are all loved as precious children of God, no matter what value society may place upon our lives.

So this is an excellent season to come back to life and make a decision to live out each day before you to the fullest. That is your birthright. I do not encourage the practice of busywork, in fact I find it personally demeaning. So I am not encouraging you to engage in a series of distractions, but rather a well-reasoned approach to developing your spiritual nature. You are far more than a body and mind; spirit is the very substance that knits you together at the most basic level. It is that combination of characteristics that makes you distinctly human. Uniquely different from everyone else who has ever lived. Nothing from your past is wasted; all of these events have served to make you who you are today. It is my hope to truly connect with you and have the opportunity to understand the person beyond a name or prison number.

PRETENSE AND LIES

Researchers who have focused upon identifications of the presence of evil generally agree that a principle hallmark is the use of pretense to mask overt behaviors. Pretense and lying are as casually linked heat from a flame. Usually the real pretense is buried under multiple levels of obfuscation and denial which always triggers some level of confusion about the individual’s intentions. It may seem impossible to get an accurate read on this type of person since they will use lies as their principle tool to mask their pretense.  The emerging perplexity which accompanies direct efforts to unmask pretense is a useful indicator that there may be a spiritual aspect to the troubled interactions. Such internal awareness is essential in identifying those situations in which we may come under spiritual attack and assists us to respond in a manner which is consistent with truth. You see truth is the only effective weapon against elegantly designed attacks from The Father of Lies.

But you say “everyone lies.” I would disagree since the soul seeking to find relationship with Jesus Christ is spurred onward by the ever growing need for encounters with truth. Lies never offer the satisfaction or joy which comes with the sure knowledge of the truth. But they are a clear indicator of the individual’s depravity, when they can look you in the eye and tell you a lie to your face. Perhaps they are so far gone that even at the moment of telling lies they do not even know what the truth is. In such a context it is easier to tell a lie than speak the truth. This practice is so pervasive in our society that if you live your life as a truth teller, people will think that you are naive and gullible like a child. Somehow good has become bad and bad is the practical and efficient way to live life. Wasn’t our standard to become more childlike in our interactions with others?  I have come to believe that many people are so use to choosing the convenience of a lie, that the concept of the truth is foreign to them (…the truth is not in them…).

Recently I have begun to speak out about the dignity and worth of all individuals. Not just those individuals whose behaviors reflect “acceptable levels” of compliance. If we are all precious to God, how do we justify our personal and corporate behaviors? I am fully aware that the behaviors of some have triggered legal and social consequences, but those penalties cannot and do not nullify the Word of God as the basis upon which I am called to serve others. I am to serve them with openness and compassion in all of my interactions. In fact, I am called upon to treat each of these individual’s as I would treat Jesus Himself. Yes there are times I am outraged and offended, but I have also outraged and offended My Heavenly Father and still feel free to call upon His Mercy, Grace and Forgiveness. How does that work? Clearly I am called to be a witness not only in my speech, but more importantly in my actions.

The word that comes to mind is transparency. I am called to live a transparent life as I walk before God and serve others. My intentions and actions will be tested and perhaps vilified, that is not my concern. My concerns will be disputed and opposed by those who hold themselves to be moral and righteous people. This is not any of my business. I am merely to continue to serve God in all my actions and to care for and comfort others to the best of my ability. To do anything else is to live a pretense, which is the same as living a lie.  Many are involved with the “business” of God. I am focused upon the “work” of God and have no time for distractions. I cannot see the benefits of what I am doing now, but I trust that God has a plan for my life. That is enough to sustain me. If I attempt to build a dream and sell you on its potential, then I am engaging in pretense.  If I am truly doing the work of My Father, then it is not my concern to prevail upon you. He will move those hearts which need comfort, prayer and hope. We will meet in His perfect plan. That is enough.

ONE FAMILY’S STRUGGLES

Responding to an ad heard on Christian radio, one gentleman described the situation confronting his adult son. At the time of the initial call this elderly gentleman held out the hope that his son would not be sentenced to more than five years in federal prison. Both the caller and his wife were in their advanced years and their son was in his upper fifties. Clearly any long term prison sentence was likely to mean that they would be gone before his release. Not understanding how to approach this issue and having no realistic points of reference, they spoke of the sadness that these events had brought to the family members.

Later discussions revealed that other siblings were split on the issue of their brother’s guilt or innocence. One thing was clear, their brother had engaged in a form of illegal behavior which resulted in his arrest and pending incarceration. That situation was bringing a deepening sense of loss and pain to all members of the family and created a drift between them so that no one wanted to bring up a discussion of the problem confronting the family. Worst of all, the children had a notable concern about how this situation was impacting the lives of their parents who had always been law abiding Christian people.

There was a sense of being lost among the various family members and a growing sense of anger and betrayal. So the matter was generally handled by no referring to it in family conversations. This accommodation to silence brought with it a new and foreign sense of relating to each other. Prior to this event, all members of the family felt a generally comfortable dialogue with each other. But the discovery that their brother had been living a secret life ruptured the trust between them. Now the parents had to walk a distinct line that did not cater to the son’s behaviors or make excuses for his actions.

What made this a particularly difficult situation was the fact that the parents believed that there son had only been involved in an aberrant and isolated behavior which had exposed him to prosecution. The zeal displayed by the prosecutors in this case caused the parents much distress since they genuinely believed that this unlawful behavior that their son was charged with was completely uncharacteristic of his nature. The son encouraged the family members to continue in this belief by his silence on the matter of his guilt.

While the months passed by from the time of arrest through various hearings, he made no effort to educate his parents about the severity of his conduct or the extent of his unlawful behaviors. He allowed the months to flow by and continued to jockey with his hired attorney to get the best deal possible. Based upon the minimal expectations that had been cultivated by their son, the misinformed parents believed that the prosecutors were being unduly harsh and punitive in their son’s case. They became convinced by the conspiracy of silence that he would in fact get the minimal prison sentence of five years.

Even the minimal sentence left them with strong concerns that they would not survive his term of incarceration, so they found themselves challenged to find ways to possibly provide some resources for this son after his release from prison. Clearly whatever efforts that they extended on his behalf would also have to be balanced with fairness toward the other children of the marriage. Nothing in their lives together had prepared them to deal with the struggles that these accommodations were thrusting into their family life.

The most unkind aspect of this transgression was revealed on sentencing day when their son was given a 10 year prison sentence for his activities. His mask of limited culpability and guilt quickly faded away as it was revealed that he had been engaged in his illegal behaviors for over ten years. There in a courtroom of strangers, his parents were exposed to the vileness of his double life and the hidden reality of his crimes. What an incredibly painful moment to look upon someone you love and realize that you do not know them at all. He will move onto serve his prison sentence, but his family is left behind dealing with the multiple wounds and betrayals. Who will comfort or heal them in the lonely days ahead?      PERSONAL PRAYER

Lord, I have made a mess of my life and the lives of others. I have only one thing that I can bring to You and lay at Your feet. That is the truth about my life, how I have lived it and how I would change things if I were able to do so now. The only things that makes this valuable, is that I am telling You the complete truth about me and what I have become with the gift that You have given to me. Perhaps this is all that I can take from this life, a true recognition of my failures, defeats, sins and crimes. I want to bring this burden to You since Your word tells me that You are ready to accept me at any time and any place. Well if You can accept me, with all the shameful things that I am sharing with You, then You are God, and You do love me like it is shared in Your word. I trust in You and I believe that You faithfully can and will lead me home.

Even to use the term wasted lives is really meaningless, since the only measure of our usefulness is rooted in our spirituality. We can look back upon a lifetime of devastation which we have wrecked in the lives of others and find no personal point of value. It may be like pulling all of that wreckage along behind you as you go through the days of your life: A long chain of losses perpetually linked to our lives and keeping us from rising up. That is the nature of devastation and its impact in our lives and the lives of others. I do not need to dwell on this point, at some time or another you have visited this grim sight inside of your own mind.

You can’t know something that you do not know. Nor can you give away something that you do not have to give. Those are simple but profound statements about the nature of life. On the cross next to Jesus Christ, hung a thief being executed for his crimes, in Catholic tradition he is called Dismas. That is why the name of this ministry was called Dismas Project. He had nothing to bring to Calvary but his lifetime of failures and the devastation we had produced in the lives of others. The history of that day does not record that he had any family members or people gathered about who cared about him. Just alone and nailed to a cross dying.

But even in the final moments of his life, he received the gift of grace and was inspired to call out to Jesus on the cross next to him. “Lord, remember me when you come into your Kingdom” was his sole request. In His dying moments he caught a glimpse of the King of King dying on a cross next to him and he was moved to ask for mercy. He understood deep within his soul who this man was dying beside him. Perhaps every other decision he had made throughout his life had been wrong, but in that moment of awareness his life was transformed. He was given the opportunity to recognize the awesome truth of the moment.

Please remember he was never baptized and to the best of our knowledge was not a man given to regular church attendance. Perhaps in his life he never attended a religious service at all. So clearly it was something else about this moment that resulted in his soul being saved. It was Dismas and something else, something that he had not brought to his own cross. That something else was a relationship with Jesus Christ. Even in his dying moments he recognized Jesus for who He is, The Son of God. In recognizing Jesus as his Savior he called out not knowing what that actually meant. He just knew deep inside of his spirit, Jesus was who He said that He was.

In that instant of awareness his simple prayer was answered when Jesus told him “This day you will be with me in paradise.” He did not have to clean himself up or present a nice image, all he needed to do was call out and ask for mercy and forgiveness from the One who can freely give it to all of us. He recognized Jesus Christ as the Lord of his life and that made all the difference in the world. He asked for a personal relationship with Jesus and was given eternal life by His side. Not just forgiveness and mercy, but eternal salvation as well. To me this is the most awesome story in the Bible: A personal encounter with Jesus Christ in the last moments of life.

How big is your God? Does your God have limits? Does he know what it means to be a human being who has lived a life with many failures and defeats? Does he even care? Jesus Christ was dying on the cross next to Dismas not for anything that he ever did that was wrong. He died for one reason only, to pay the complete cost for all of our sins. The sin debt has been totally pain in full. That’s yours and mine. In all of your life you will never find a more personal relationship than being loved by the One who died so that you do not have to spend eternity in hell paying for your sin debt.

That is an intensely powerful encounter and it was done for you and me out of His love for each of us. A love so powerful that He would die for each of us. His victory was complete when He rose from the grave three days later and demonstrated His conquering power over sin and death. In that act He freed all of us from the shameful chain of bondage to sin and eternity in hell. He taught us that we are pawns in the hands of the evil one who shapes and influences by his unrelenting attempts to get us to make sinful choices. It seems to give him pleasure when we make sinful choices because those choices are wounds against a loving God.

He knows that his time is coming to an end and he wants to take as many of us with him into an eternity in hell just out of hatred for God. It is equally true that he also hates us since we are made in the image and likeness of God. Anything that resembles God’s character is a target for his evil influences and temptations. Once we have stumbled back into sin the evil one loves to accuse us before the throne of God. He laughs at our weakness and even at our cowardly ways. But God’s grace and mercy is inconceivable and with a heartfelt prayer you and I can be restored to a full relationship with Jesus Christ. That is what Dismas encountered on the cross next to Jesus. That is salvation!

RECENT EXPERIENCES WITH DEVASTATION

As part of the outreach which Dismas Project offers to Families of Offenders as well as current and former offenders we maintain an outreach to those who suffer using multiple forms of outreach. One of those methods recently yielded a contact from a mother who has a son in county jail facing first degree murder and armed robbery charges in a state with an active death penalty agenda. Needless to say she is totally devastated since her son is in his early twenties and lives about two thousand miles away from her home. So there is only contact by letter at this time. Like most family members she has made multiple calls to his public defender without any response. She is overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. She cannot afford to leave her job and travel to visit him, so she hangs in this dreadful cycle trying to make sense of things. Those who read this letter may have had similar experiences affecting family members. I am asking you to write and tell me about your ideas and suggestions. I will pass them onto her promptly. With this small gesture you can ease someone else’s pain and shame.

*****

An offender who was released three and a half years ago contacted our ministry because he has become desperate about his failure to adjust to life outside in the community. Though he has some family invested in helping him, he finds himself at odds with them often and winds up becoming angry and isolating himself from them. It is an effort to get up and look for a job, so most people think of him as lazy. He is just struggling with the constant struggle of having to reveal himself over and over again to possible future employers. Before he starts out on his daily tasks he is already feeling defeated. Fear of going back to prison is not a consideration since that would ultimately mean that he could retreat into the silence and isolation of an institution. Do you know and understand his shame and pain? Have you shared this same struggle? Can you offer some insight and personal support that I can pass onto this man. Can you help to shoulder his burden for a short time?

*****

WE, you and I and the other millions struggling through a criminal justice experience have been BLESSED by the kindness of the senior staff at Christian Satellite Radio (CSN). They are located in Twin Falls Idaho and have been broadcasting an outreach message to families of offenders as well as offenders themselves across their network of 380+ stations in the US and Canada. They have undertaken this task upon realizing this need across the nation. On a daily basis they play an ad for Dismas Project in the hopes of contacting men and women in need, like those discussed in the previous two paragraphs. They undertake this mission because they believe in the worth of each soul. If you feel led to send them a short thank you note, it would be a great blessing to this ministry and the CSN Christian network. Their address is: P.O. Box  391 Twin Falls ID 83303. Please keep them lifted up in prayer and try to find a local radio station that carries their 24 hour a day radio outreach. Take heart brothers and sisters, there are people out in the free world who share a burden for you and your salvation.

FLAWED TRUST   –   FRACTURED  RELATIONS

One of the great axioms of life is the simple truth that one cannot give away something that they do not have. If I lack the basic ability to trust then I have no internal ability to grow in that quality or to recognize it in others.  If my ability to trust has been diminished by a variety of life experiences then I am likely to develop a quick ability to detect inconsistencies in the thoughts and actions of others. Once detected the “natural” response may be to avoid others and hunker down till the perceived threat is past. Given enough circumstances and time, this reaction pattern may start to resemble an innate drive that colors all of my relationships with others, under the protective colors of threat assessment and the potential for harm avoidance. In other words, my interactions become shaped by my fears and assessed harm potential I assign to everyone I encounter. Trust slips away and is replaced by a persistent unvoiced pattern of uncertainties and concerns about the intentions of others. Taken to full growth this practice has the capacity to isolate us from others sharing our world, based upon the potential for ascribing differences which might become future threats. So without a word to others, I am able to internally dismiss individual worth and dignity. It has all happened invisibly in our heads, but it is reflected in our attitudes and behaviors.

This concept of flawed trust impacts everyone on the face of the earth. It is the soil in which we build all of our relationships. When I am offended by another person, or conversely I am offending others, our actions directly impact our ability to actively engage others with a trusting spirit. If my sense of equilibrium has become impaired by bruising encounters, then my ability to function in a trusting manner has been altered negatively. The solution is quite simple. The key to restoration is accepting the fact that we have all bruised others and in turn have been bruised by others. Harboring our pride, anger and resentments isolates us from functional relationships with others. Understanding this fact allows us to realize that everyone wrestles with the same problem. So rising from the swirl of thoughts and emotions which inform my actions is the realization that my only relief from this ugly crippling posture is to accept my own vulnerabilities and failures. Taking the volume of debris which has accumulated in my life, reflecting on the outcomes wrought and placing the burden in God’s Hands: Rather than breed indifference, antipathy and hatred, the simple act of spiritual recognition and acceptance brings me into fellowship with others and renews my relationship with God.  In that uncomplicated act of surrender I acknowledge His Lordship in my life and my responsibility to bring all things to His care, especially those elements of my life which yielded great wreckage and pain for others.

I experience the renewal of my ability to trust as I start to see the events of my life in a spiritual context. Surprisingly the strange flow on harmful interactions with others starts to lose its ability to shape my awareness. The “me” logic is replaced by an awareness that all of my actions are expressions of my soul life to My Heavenly Father. I commit myself a little at a time to surrender the strongholds and resistant beliefs to the influence of God’s love for me and others. He reshapes my thoughts and emotions, so that at some deep level of my being, I am choosing to honor Him in all of my decisions and actions. That becomes an act of love on my part as I am drawn into the growing awareness of His love for me. Things done to me vanish in the dust of life and my spiritual vision is expanded to recognize new realities which were previously beyond my grasp. My soul is filled with the awareness of my sights and sounds and my thoughts and emotions yield to these spiritual influences. Suddenly I am embracing things which baffled me in earlier times. I am making choices which reflect a new way of thinking, but to others I seem to remain the same man. God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. I am responding to His love and desire to save me. The spiritual concepts of justification and sanctification are internalized in my life and I follow the Master, drawn by His love.

Few of my fellows are likely to understand the significance of what has happened as they are puzzled by my willingness to bare all things for public scrutiny.  I no longer seek to hide in the shadows of life, but instead have become empowered to speak out about what God has done for me. My joy grows as I learn how to recognize the pain and shame of others and to offer them the comfort that my Father gives to me on a daily basis. Those very things that previously drove me apart from others become the elements upon which I am now bound to their lives. No longer do I seek to flee from the examination of others, now I understand that such moments provide a silent opportunity to witness about God’s great faithfulness and purposes. No longer do I engage others from a position of self, but now I have begun to function in the role of purpose. That shift in perception brings with it the awareness that everything we do has meaning. If someone violates my trust, I no longer assess their actions through the prism of self-interest, but reflect upon my willingness to give God the glory in all events of my life. There has been an exchange which was fostered deep within my soul, a willingness to grasp new understandings of God’s will for my life. Spiritual surrender takes on practical applications in my daily activities.

There is no proclamation or public fanfare accompanying these changes. In my case they are articulated by a life changing process, rather than a life altering event (though I have experienced both types of learning). My path is strewn with attempts to reengage the dead decision making patterns of the past. Apparently my personal ugliness is dying a slow, painful death which can only be hastened by my willingness to surrender all things to God’s care. In that decision I attempt to remove the feeding tubes of pride, ego and entitlement which continue to nourish the corpse of self. It is a lonely journey, but I am never alone. I find that there are few in life with whom I can relate intimately about this process. But I am always aware of my relationship to God, my Provider. The flawed trust slowly gives way to an understanding that I am a child of God and serve out His purposes in the events of my life. It is no longer important for me to make things happen to gratify my own desires, but to humbly seek His will for my life and to delight in doing that will. What others think about my actions or underlying intentions loses the ability to influence my thoughts, emotions or behaviors. I am not ignorant of others. I understand that my orientation toward life has undergone a major revision. Life has taken on a new meaning with the realization that I can trust God in all the concerns of my life.

*****

By now you probably realize that I close my monthly letter with a prayer. My dear wife Quinta repeatedly told me that many people do not know the first thing about how to pray to God. She has been urging me for years to include a prayer in each letter that I send out. It has taken a while for me to get her point and understand her concern. (which proves her uniqueness in our relationship. She prays for me and you and encourages with each letter that I write. She also shares with me those letters I receive from prisoners all over the country. She has a merciful and compassionate heart and she is a godly woman. Look up Proverbs 31 and you will understand what I am trying to say about her.)

You see in my life she is clearly a gift from God. Her personality meshes with my own and she compliments my abilities and offsets my limitations. I got on my knees and asked God to pick a wife for me. I was scared and uncertain, but He picked one that fits into my life perfectly. If you want to know more about how this happened, write to me and I will send you a letter describing how it happened. By the way, before I married her I told her about my criminal record and my prison experiences. It was very important to me that she knew the truth about who I had been. Because of experiences like this I KNOW that God listens to our prayers and that He answers our prayers. So this month’s prayer is on belief and trust. Please join me in praying this prayer.

LORD HELP ME

I am just one person, feeling terribly alone and isolated. I want to know You and come into a relationship with You but I am starting from a place of disbelief and lack of trust. It seems that most of my experiences in life have always yielded a consistent presence of failure, betrayal and lack of trust. Please God if You can truly hear me from this prison cell, If You can see me now You know that my heart is opened to You, but I just do not know what to do next. I can’t seem to trust others, really, I don’t even trust myself. I am in a hopeless place and I can’t help myself. If this relationship is ever going to happen it will be because You love me enough to reach out to me in my darkness and comfort this lost child. I am not asking that You save me from the consequences of my actions, just please show me that You are real and that You love me. I bring You my life and lay  it before You. I have nothing else to offer You except my brokenness. Amen.

Despair is giving up all hope in the belief that our lives can be changed and become meaningful. Certainly living on death row fosters the underlying belief that life has little or no meaning beyond suffering and pain. But there is more to life than the circumstances in which we find ourselves living. Despair is the opposite of hope. In fact despair is the absence of hope.  If I am in despair then I have given up all hope that my life can become something beautiful in God’s hands. What an incredibly lonely place to live out one’s days. In the absence of hope I lose myself in an endless variety of distractions which takes my attention off of the pending reality that my life will end. But that fate is true for everyone that has ever been born. We must all arrive at a place where we can accept all that has happened as having some meaning, even if we are not aware of the larger picture. Stepping back we can catch a glimpse of the larger picture when we see the world as a battleground in which forces of good battle those of evil for our eternal souls. In that view I start to become aware that while I have made horrible and painful choices, those same choices have been influenced by the evil in which we live. It is quite different from individual choice when you have the demons of hell urging you to strike out against another human being. That side of the story is never heard in court, nor is the fact often made public because most people want to believe that they are good and pure and only those who go to prison are bad and evil. It is a form of spiritual blindness that keeps people from recognizing the true nature of their personal struggles.

We are all born with physical, mental, emotional and spiritual lives. The first three become very evident as we grow and mature. The last, the spiritual life only really becomes real when we are confronted with making sense of things that do not make sense at all. So the prime question becomes “why did I do that…” and there is never a meaningful answer because we are seeking to explain the nature of evil in terms of our humanity. The battle between good and evil has been going on since the beginning and will continue until the return of Jesus Christ. While my choices are important, they primarily impact my life and the lives of others with whom I have my experiences. Good and evil are GLOBAL influences which impact all lives. The bible clearly teaches that everyone has sinned. That makes us all spiritual criminals…no one is worthy on their own. Spiritually we are all dead in sin, even those that make a good show at being relatively perfect. Physical, mental and emotional life will all pass away, but our souls (the spiritual part of us) will live for all eternity. That soul is the essence of who we actually are. If all I have to hang onto is my physical, mental and emotional life, then death is a fearsome opponent. I can only spend my days focused upon the many distractions which the world has to offer, because once it is over then it seems to be finally over. That kind of thinking leads us into living lives that grow smaller and more narrow by the day. We go through each day trying to keep our eyes off the impending reality of our own deaths. Maybe if I do not look at it, it will not happen to me. It is a form of denial which keeps us from living out our days productively blessing others and having a good measure of peace in our lives. In my letters I speak to you of things which few others will mention since it is such an obvious and painful topic. That pain is the pain of despair, that all has been lost. It is a lie straight from the pit of hell. It is satan’s final attempt to capture your soul by default, by getting you to give up on God’s promises. Think back at how many times in the past you have heard that familiar voice which has lied to you in the past. The evil one urges us to act on our impulses and then he accuses us before God so that we would be condemned to hell. What an easy way to capture the souls of those who refuse to see the goodness of God. The souls of those who refuse to believe that in His goodness He would never consider us worthy of saving. Yet the truth is that all I have to do is ask Jesus Christ for His forgiveness since it was Him who paid the FULL price on the cross for every sinner. All I need do is to quietly ask Him to accept my prayer asking for forgiveness and it is instantly granted. With that one small act on my part, I am assured of salvation because of the shed blood of Jesus Christ. His blood has already been shed for you and me. The price has been completely paid. Despair is a lie from hell and it means that you cannot see yourself as God sees you. To Him you are His precious child. He is not a God of the dead, but a God of the living. For all of us, eternity is only a heartbeat away. Aren’t you tired of carrying around the burden of shame and pain? This prayer asking for forgiveness is about putting that burden down and not picking it up again. As parents would you deny your child the very things that they need? As your Creator, God will not deny you the right to eternal life in His presence. This prayer is about getting real with God, maybe for the first time in your life. He knows all about you and still loves you, but He will not force you to accept His love. That is solely your own choice. No matter how many bad decisions you have made previously you CAN make the most important decision of your life right now. But only you can make that decision, no one else can do that for you. Once you have made that decision and asked for His forgiveness, the despair which you may have known is replaced with Hope and Peace. And no one can ever take them away from you. The spiritual level of awareness is often the last level of awareness for most of us. But it is the essence of eternal life and it is the truth.

It might seem odd to talk about subjects like peace and hope with death row prisoners. Actually it is not odd at all, because you have been placed under a pending death sentence and are the most likely individuals on earth to be thinking of what the meaning of life is all about. You may participate in a series of daily distractions to take your mind off the subject, but there are times that this reality shines through the extensive walls you have created around yourself. That light which shines through your defenses is God’s way of trying to reach out to you as you struggle with despair and hopelessness. That light is an affirmation of your worth and value as an individual before God. While He will never force His love upon you, He will keep shining His love into your life in various ways and through other people. You may feel that your whole life has been about battling one thing or another, sometimes to just stay alive. But there is ONE who has always been with you and His word says that He will never leave you. No one on earth knows you like your Creator. This letter is only one way that you have heard this message over and over again in your life. You are not alone though all of your senses may tell you differently. We will all stand before God at some time in the future. That is the nature of having a spiritual life. We are called to give an account for all we have been given. Jesus Christ paid the price for all of our sins and transgressions. The debt has been paid in full, would you insist on paying this debt yourself? With what resources could you attempt to pay the massive sin debt that you have acquired? None of us can pay that debt, which is why Jesus Christ died on a cross and arose again three days later. In that moment of resurrection Satan’s hold over us was broken contingent only upon our asking for personal forgiveness from the ONE who paid our sin debts. Satan’s only weapon now is to whisper his lies in your ear and hope that we will believe them. It is not an accident that he has been called the father of lies. There is a struggle going on all around us, and those living in the world are often deluded into thinking that they are good people, while those in prison are evil people. Somehow they are incapable of seeing their own evil choices and choose to live life like a masquerade, pretending to be someone that they are not. I find that people of death row have the potential to live life more deeply and intensely than those living in the world. That is why I write to you each month. Given your unique view of the world, I believe that you can see all of the contradictions and false assumptions that are made on a daily basis. I believe that you have a keener insight into spiritual matters and have wrestled with these issues deep within your being. It is out of a sense of respect that I send my letters to each of you, because I strongly suspect that you are willing at some level to engage in a meaningful search for truth. That belief sustains me in writing each of these letters. It does not matter that I do not hear back from most of you, it is enough to know that there are some who take these words to heart and ponder them deeply.  That makes this outreach well worthwhile and fills me with a sense of service to my brothers and sisters in chains. By myself I am nothing, but I assure you that the truth will set you free.

THE LAST PERSON

The end of the age of Grace

True rugged individualism means living out your life by your own strength, wants and needs. In this context there is little room for the lives of others except in the ways that we use them to serve ourselves. The end result of this process is a journey into isolation and self-centeredness. It results in the slow and certain closure of meaningful opportunities to interact with other human beings. It is a truly lonely place with few rewards as we approach the end of life. We were created as social beings to have fellowship with each other. One of the great rewards of life itself is the connections that we share with others. We were not made to live alone and far removed from interactions with others.

In a very real sense being a Christian has a limiting effect upon the lives of believers. Those who identify themselves as disciples of Jesus Christ are engaged in a daily struggle to choose the things of God. The pressures of the world make these kinds of choices seem stupid and idiotic. Something to be laughed at by those who are busy acquiring the goods of life and seeing themselves as successful in the struggle to achieve high status and wealth. A Christian understands that we have been given our lives to know, love and serve God in all that we do. We serve Him by serving others in His name. This commitment to service is not restricted by where we live or how many assets that we have acquired. It is the core of Christian belief to share His love with everyone we encounter in our journey.

I do not believe that we can effectively scare people into the Kingdom of God.  Nor do I believe that God would have us use this means to reach others. Since the Life, Death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ, we have been living in an Age of Grace. What that means in plain words is that with the Birth of Jesus Christ, we have had God living with us as a fellow human being who never gave up His heavenly Kingship. By virtue of the fact that He has lived a human life, He is intimately aware of all of the challenges and temptations we face on a daily basis. His life, death and resurrection have assured us that there is ONE who fully understands our failings and our frailties. While He lived His life without sin, He fully understands the sinful parts of our nature. In giving His life for all of us, He paid the sin debt that we all owe. In rising from the dead He defeated sin and death, so that we have no more need to live in fear and uncertainty. He has the keys to the kingdom (eternity) by virtue of what it is that He has done for each of us. That key to eternity turns upon a heartfelt simple prayer asking for forgiveness. It opens the door to eternal life with God who deeply loves you and me.

That is the essence of grace; it can be summed up by understanding that we have our own futures in our own hands. All we need to do is ask for forgiveness.  In other words God has made a way for each of us to get right with Him by seeking Him out and asking for His help. A complete study of the Holy Bible will reveal that there is a certain future point when the Age of Grace will end. No one knows when that will happen except God Himself. But it is certain that it will happen in God’s own timing. So if there is an end to the Age of Grace that must mean that there are yet people who will be saved by His love and compassion. If there are yet people to be saved, it also means that someone, somewhere at some future date will be the last one to be saved in the current Age of Grace.

After that time starts the open reign of Satan on this earth. Read about it for yourself. Get a copy of the Bible and spend some time reading Daniel and Revelation. It will help you to come into an understanding of what I am describing in this message. There will be an end, as certain as there was a beginning. If you doubt my words consider the fact that we are born and we die. There is a clear beginning and end to our physical, mental and emotional life processes. Life itself bears witness to this truth. It is not open to any other interpretation or understanding. So what does your end or my end mean in terms of God’s word? The most important aspect is that we still have the ability to choose eternal life: Because unlike the body, your spirit will live on for all of eternity. That is the truth!

Given the world that we live in it is my opinion that the Age of Grace is approaching an end. I see that in all of the world events that are shaping history and individual life itself. It is not my purpose to go off on a tangent about the end times, but the fact remains that a book which dates back over 6000 years, which was written by 40 different writers and contains 66 books has spoken about all of these matters down through time as we know it.  If you have not read that book yourself and made up your own mind, then any decision which you make is based upon second hand information from others: The opinions of others. That is a form of personal dishonesty that you would make up your mind without ever having sought out the truth for yourself. Would you risk your eternal status to the assumptions of another human being? For that matter would you risk the possibility of future execution to what someone else thinks about your chances? I doubt that very much.  Most likely you would be diligently studying the law books and attempting to understand what various court rulings meant about your future life. You would make calls and write letters and eagerly seek the answers. Is your eternal life any less important at this time? Would you refuse to seek out the truth and die in your sin when it could have been forgiven just through asking for forgiveness?

Perhaps you are the very man or woman that God has been waiting to hear that sincere, soft cry for His help. Maybe the Age of Grace terminates with your own personal salvation. I only know that your soul is equal in value to my own soul and I plead for His mercy on your life in my prayers. I do not want to leave this world without having reached out to you and telling you the truth. Don’t take my word for it, read His word and find out what it says about your own life. Then you can make a knowledgeable decision about where you will choose to spend eternity.  Please remember that no decision is still a decision. Your eternal existence depends upon what you decide to do with this message. As for me, I would hope for everyone’s awakening to the truth, but I would be equally delighted if you were the last person we have all been waiting for…..welcome home!

PRAYER FOR WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING

Lord, if You are my Creator then You already know everything about me. I cannot hide in the shadows on my cell or seek anonymity in the nameless and faceless prisoners who have lived down through the history of man. I struggle to stand before You and seek Your forgiveness for my sins and transgressions. They are too numerous to recount even if I could recall them all at this time. Your word speaks about Mercy Grace and Forgiveness and I trust in Your word. Your word is all that I have left at this point in my life. I am unable to do anything for myself, except cry out to You in my shame and pain. Please Lord, fill me with a knowledge about Your word and help me to earnestly study the Bible to find the answers which I am seeking. It seems as if I have never been successful at anything in my life except getting into trouble and hurting those that I love. Dear Jesus help me to clearly see the path before me and to seek out the wisdom of the Holy Spirit in understanding Your word. I thank God the Father Almighty for having created me and given me the opportunity to live out this life. More importantly I thank the Father for Your sacrifice on my behalf. I surrender my life and will to Your love and care and ask You to use me as You see fit in the days ahead. Amen.

We do not need to dig deeply into our memories to find those painful encounters, including the ultimate rejection, a death sentence by a society that has given up on us as human beings. In that silent encounter with the haunting voices of our past, we try to find some meaning in the lessons of our lives. That is a difficult road to walk alone, since we are often the ones that beat ourselves harder than anyone else. We know all of the failures and defeats of our lives and we know them all too well. In the privacy of our minds it becomes easier to join the many voices around us in agreement that we are hopeless and helpless: Total failures. And so we live out our days trying to hold onto some semblance of life as a meaningful experience. What I have discovered is that for me it is impossible to pull meaningfulness out of a lifetime of disasters and tragedies. By myself I am completely unable to define any true sense of meaning or purpose in my life or my actions. That awareness leaves us feeling totally empty and useless: No hope for the future, just the wreckage of my life and the painful effects I have had on the lives of others.

No wonder we become bitter and self-centered. If I do not pull myself out of the pit I have created then no one else will do that for me. As we grasp at the slippery walls of this self-made pit we come to realize that we are totally incapable of climbing out of that pit by ourselves. That is when many of us give up and silently join in condemning ourselves. We then become as bad as we can possibly be, as if to confirm the opinions of others about our worth and value. We often just give up and abandon ourselves to pursuing wickedness and perversion in our lives. Looking into society’s mirror we see no hope of personal redemption. We cease to be people of hope and faith. We are defeated, awaiting the comfort, the silence and finality of death.

This is the essence of the struggle between good and evil. We have been led down the road to believe that we are worthless, without any hope or value. We see ourselves as unredeemable, helpless in our shame and pain. That is what satan would have us believe about ourselves. It is a lie straight out of hell. And we buy into that lie because we cannot see ourselves as having any worth or value. So we surrender to the belief that we are totally without hope. Please remember that in the Bible, satan is called the father of lies. That is how he lures us into giving up on ourselves: When we agree with his lie than we are giving up on ourselves. God says that we are made in His likeness and image. That is what He says about us. No matter how vile or wicked our deeds have been, He sees us as His precious children, worthy of His love. So who are you going to believe, the father of lies or Your Creator? I believe in your eternal value and worth. That is why I write to you each month. I see you as brothers and sisters. I believe what God has said about all of us in His word, we have all sinned and are therefore unworthy. That simply means that NO MATTER what you have done in the past, He has provided a way back to His love for you. He has loved us so much that He sent His only Son to pay the ultimate penalty to pay the eternal price that His justice demands. What love and what a profound sacrifice for all sinners. Please stop and realize that EVERYONE has sinned and violated the laws of God. Whether it is a politician who lies to the people, a shopkeeper who cheats his customers, a wife who commits adultery, a child who lies or steals or men and women have taken the lives of others. It is all sin and none are worthy of His love and forgiveness by themselves. Sin, all sin is wicked before a loving God. Therefore we are all desperately in need of a Redeemer who has paid the price for our sins.  That Redeemer is Jesus Christ who paid the full price for all of our sins.  Now why would He do that for us? The answer is LOVE: A deep and profound love for each of us. That love is demonstrated visibly for all to see how God values each of us as individuals created in His image and likeness.

Let’s talk about rejection, the ultimate rejection. There was One who was the object of scorn and rejection even before His birth and after His death. When His mother was pregnant, she was accused of bearing her Child out of wedlock. As a small child King Herod (the King of the Jews) heard about this child’s birth and how ancient scriptures had foretold the story of His birth. He became enraged that a child had been born who might replace him as King of the Jews (Herod had already had his brother-in-law and two sons killed so that they would not replace him as king). Herod ordered that all baby boys two years and younger who had been born in Bethlehem be killed to eliminate the Christ child. So Mary and Joseph took the Child and fled to Egypt until Herod was dead. Even as a small infant He was rejected for the role He would fulfill in transforming the world and redeeming us from the burdens of our sins.

Later in His adulthood, religious leaders accused Him of being illegitimate, as a way of trying to discredit His teachings. During the course of His ministry the words were rejected by those who claimed to be the leaders. In fact His words of truth had such a profound effect upon those who hated Him because they hit home with accuracy. Do you remember the saying….”the truth hurts?”Well the truth cut the religious leaders deeply because His words spoke of the sin in their own lives. That led to more rejection and eventually those very same leaders came to the conclusion that He had to die. So they watched and waited, observing all that He did in His Father’s name. They looked for some way to destroy Him, even though they also witnessed His miracles. Out of their hurt pride, the leaders were determined to kill Him. Now that is rejection when you have done nothing wrong, when you have only told the truth and done good for people and they want to kill you. It became a deep and abiding hatred of Him and everything that He represented. They returned hate for love, even though this was the people who had been called to be God’s chosen people. In rejecting Him, they were also rejecting the Father who had sent Him. But they were blinded by their hatred.

Eventually they chose an opportunity to seize Him and conducted a secret trial at the high priest’s house. The only problem with this set up was that no two witnesses could agree on what it was that He was supposed to have done to offend God’s law. At that trial He confirmed that He was the Son of God and the high counsel immediately accused Him of committing blasphemy against God. They used that as their basic to make a death penalty case against Him. With Jesus bound, they brought Him before Pilate to judge Him in accordance with Jewish law. Pilate was the Roman governor of the province but really he was nothing more than a political appointee, but in reality he was there to make sure that the taxes were collected and that law and order were maintained in this region. Despite having told the leaders and the crowds with them that he found no wrong in Jesus, they continued to demand His death, and being a man without character, Pilate condemned Jesus Christ to death to appease the crowds. He knew that he was condemning an innocent man, but he reasoned that it would keep the people happy and he would keep his job. So Jesus Christ was crucified, the ultimate rejection.

The Jewish leaders rejected His words and after His death on that cross they went back to Pilate telling him that the dead body of Jesus was an offense to them hanging there on the cross that they had demanded. So Pilate ordered that the body be taken down. Then they demanded that the tomb be guarded, so that the followers of Jesus would not come and steal His dead body. So even in death and after burial they were still rejecting Him. From His conception until His ascension into heaven Jesus has stirred the hearts of men and women, because He told the truth and lived out the call to love others as we love ourselves. The end result is that His law of love lives within each of our hearts and we can choose to live out that calling to bless others or we can choose to live for ourselves. To many people unfamiliar with Christianity, it seems illogical to love others first. Too many of those who call themselves Christians profess to love God but actually live out their lives only for themselves. If we really love Him, then our lives are not only redeemed by His sacrifice on the cross, but our lives are also transformed by the grace and influence of the Holy Spirit. I cannot change anything about myself, but the grace and mercy of God actually changes my very nature when I accept His Son Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Jesus Christ knows all about rejection. He knows it on the most intimate basis, from indifference to hatred. He knows what has happened in your life and is the only One who can relate to all of your experiences from an intimate knowledge of you.

Living on death row you know the rejection of society. For many in this situation, this is only the most recent of rejection experiences. Society stands ready to take your life for the crimes of which you have been convicted. On the other hand, Jesus Christ stands with you in that cell and offers you life more abundantly then you have ever known. It is not just the here and now physical life of which He has been speaking, but the life of your spirit which will live eternally. We are all made of Body, Mind and Spirit. The Body and Mind will pass at some point, but your spirit and mine will live on for all eternity. I can spend all of my efforts focused upon the here and now of my current existence, or I can allow my spirit to become transformed by the Holy Spirit. It is not something that I can do by myself, either starting or stopping it. It is totally a gift from outside of ourselves. But God will not push His way into our lives without an invitation. That is because He gave each of us free will to choose.  All it takes is a quiet moment and whispered prayer, Lord I have really blown it all my life. I can’t do anything about my life and all of my sins, but I believe You and take You on your Word. Please help me, I need You.

I know that you have heard these words at other times and perhaps they never made sense until now. All I need to do is ask for forgiveness and it will be given unto me. With that forgiveness the Holy Spirit starts to change and transform my life. All I need to do is ask and it will be freely given to me and you. Would you let pride, arrogance and a stony heart stand in the way of being loved by the same God who gave you and me life and His Son? We both know what our best thinking got us, most of us have known profound pain and shame, but put up those walls to protect what lays deep in our hearts. We all want and need to be loved for who we are. I can tell you about this with my words, but they are so limited. These words cannot possibly convey the experience of knowing you are loved by God and that your life and times are in His hands.

So why would God love me so much after all the wrong that I have done? That is a good question and it has a simple answer: MERCY. In His infinite wisdom, God knew of my fallen nature and how satan would use my weaknesses to trip me up with sin over and over again. God also knew that though I might wish with all my heart to love Him, it was impossible to do so by myself because my sin separates me from Him. To overcome that great separation He sent His son to die for you and me so that those sins would not keep us out of a relationship with Him. Mercy is not giving me what I really deserve to get. More than most people living in the free world, you are likely to understand the concept of mercy very well. It is something that we all hope for and long for, but usually do not receive. Well the good news is that God is always willing to extend you His mercy, if you will just ask Him. That is a Father’s great love for His children. Love and mercy are very intimate and personal matters between two individuals who have great affections for each other. Do you understand that God looks upon your life with love and affection? You are His precious child: He gave you life. He wants to bless you even now, where you are. Won’t you open the doorway to your heart just a small crack and ask Him about this great love that He has for you? Won’t you let yourself be comforted by His concern for you?

I am not writing to you about something that I have read about or heard from others. I write you these letters out of my experience with His love and His infinite capacity to change even the worst life into something of great value and precious in His sight. I share these things with you because I see your worth and value. If my own soul has infinite value to God, then so does your own soul. Therefore as thoughts of rejection come to mind in the days to come, I invite you to consider the mercy of God as an alternative. In your case and mine, Mercy is the antidote for rejection. After all why would God the Father Almighty send His Son Jesus Christ to die for you and me? If even one of us were beyond His redemption, then this would have been a waste on the cross. Ask Him yourself with a sincere heart and you will find the answer. It is the Holy Spirit’s role to help guide us through life: May you find Him now. Mercy flows like a mighty river through our lives washing away the pain and destruction of rejection. What I have been talking about is relationship, not religion, not rituals, nor issues of doctrine or dogma. I am talking about having a relationship with the Father who sent His Son Jesus Christ to pay the price for all of our sins. One who loves us so much He would die for us so that we could spend eternity with Him. If you have never had this kind of a relationship it is time for a quiet chat between you and Jesus Christ. You will never be the same person again, once you catch a glimpse of His infinite love for you.

A PARABLE OF FORGIVESS:  PERHAPS THE REST OF THE STORY?

Once upon a time a wretched man found himself standing on the edge of eternity; on that cusp between life and death itself. He could offer nothing in mitigation for his offenses. Nor could he plead a case for which mercy might be justified. He stood knowing that in moments his fate would be sealed. With nothing to offer in defense, he moved onto the public platform of justice. It was his first encounter with that look of love.

*********

Not more than an hour before he had been preparing himself to die for his crimes. Now he stood, apart from the crowd still trying to make sense of what had just happened.  He was trying to understand the dramatic turn of events which took him from confinement by chains in a moment’s time to freedom within the community.  He was aware that he was caught up in the emotions which seemed to sweep over the towns-people. Slowly, almost with reluctance, he had climbed the narrow stone pathway with the others who were excited to witness the free entertainment, another execution.

What troubled his thinking was the sure and certain knowledge that it was him who was to have been executed that day! He looked about him and noted that those who had jeered and yelled the loudest in the crowd before the judgment seat, were now standing sullen and withdrawn, as if they were experiencing disappointment with the quiet scene which they were witnessing. Perhaps for the first time in his life, he was experiencing fear and a strangely personal, inability to understand what was happening.

Hours before he had stood on the platform opposite this quiet stranger. No words had passed between them, nor would they have been heard over the roar of the crowd. Unbelievably the crowd was calling out his name. Barabbas! Give Us Barabbas, they yelled with a fury. This scene kept replaying in his mind, still struggling with the reality of being saved from the appointed punishment. He had prepared himself for his impending death, but how could he understand what had just happened? Emotions surged within him, a great flood of relief swept over his tired body. But what of the stranger who had stood nearby: This stranger who was substituted for him, by the cry of the crowd.

They had only exchanged a long glance, but it had a troubling effect upon his thoughts. Barabbas knew that he was guilty of his crimes, but this other man presented no hardness of expression which was so common among the prisoners. Instead His eyes held this strange quality of compassion and sadness, so odd in one just condemned to death. That glance seemed to bring with it a shadow which troubled his spirit. Something had passed between them in that unspoken moment, but Barabbas could not identify the source of his discomfort.

What should have been a time of great joy was overshadowed by the awareness of a new reality. Someone else was going to die for him! His price had been paid, but why? Why was this man condemned, while another was set free? At some deeply personal level, Barabbas was beginning to understand that he had just played a bit part in some remarkable drama which was manifesting around him. His normal boisterous manner was strangely quieted as he searched his environment for a hint of meaning, some way to make sense of these events.

From the highly visible platform of judgment he had made his way to the anonymity of the welcoming crowd. His ability to hide in this surge of humanity had helped quell his fears. Surely Pilate would soon realize that a terrible mistake had been made. Once discovered, the authorities would seek to capture him again and cut him off from the land of the living. It was as if the crowd offered him a strange sense of obscurity, an opportunity to meld in with others, so he surrendered himself to the nameless shadows pressing in and surged forward. For these brief moments he did not have to think or consider his options, he was safe in the press of the crowd, as they swept toward the Via Dolorosa.

Stumbling forward onto the well worn path, he felt himself being shoved toward the nearby wall as others made way for the Roman guards who were forcing a clearing through the crowd. They were escorting their prisoner to His death. In that briefest of moments, their eyes locked together again. How was this possible? In the midst of this mindless crowd, they had again shared a connection across time and space.

He had previously made the decision to dispel his troubled notions about these events. Now he was again thrust into another unwanted meeting with this man, the man with sad eyes.  Barabbas knew that his plans dissipated in the instant of that second random glance. This man was going to die for him, but why? That unsettling knowledge permeated his thoughts. This was a personal matter playing out between them. Why? Suddenly realizing that these were not chance encounters, Barabbas turned his face away in shame which he was unable to explain. This surge of emotions was overpowering and frightening, His mask of indifference was beginning to melt and for the first time he felt tears streaming from his eyes.

The hero of villainy began to experience deep gut wrenching sobs which he was not able to explain. Never before in his memory had he experienced the flow of hot tears on his cheeks. He was at a loss to comprehend the meaning of these events and in a moment of shame, sought to hide his face from the others. He had seen men die before, he had witnessed the barbaric tortures of his times, but he was deeply troubled for a man he did not know; a stranger whose glance had penetrated the awful shield of hatred and callousness which had accumulated over the years.

That look shattered the carefully constructed façade of self-confidence. Once more he experienced the uncertainty of boyhood and he was suddenly shaken by the emotionally destabilizing influence of fear. Barabbas felt overcome by this strange flood of emotion. Hatred he knew. He was comfortable in the familiar presence of hatred, where men did their best to destroy each other in the various arenas of life. Hatred was a comforting place, a resting stop on the weary path of life. Hatred had inspired him to slash his way forward, through anything he deemed to be a challenge to his way of life. Yes, hatred was a welcomed quality to a man who had built his life on violence and selfishness.

Now, when he had arrived at the pinnacle of life, he had evaded the very jaws of death itself by force of personality and reputation. Yet he stood alone, fearful and frightened in the middle of the very crowd that had just saved his life. When he should be at his peak, instead he was reduced to an all encompassing uncertainty about what he actually believed. Here he was the winner of this odd contest between the stranger and himself. But a mere glance had penetrated his inner most defenses. The One, who was dying, seemed to have pity on the one who had evaded death.

He numbly followed the movement of the crowd and found himself standing by, as the stranger was affixed to the monstrous cross. Lifting him up, the Roman guards grunted under the strain. Those standing about became silent, giving way to the quietness sweeping the crowd. For the third time, he experienced the searing touch of the strangers glance. It was not an empty look of one about to give up His life, but rather it was the gaze of compassion and love one might associate with the expression of a parent love of a child. Barabbas knew that somehow this look was searing in its ability to strip away his mask of ruthlessness.

He was filled with an unquenchable emotional thirst, as he moved forward to hear the words of this stranger. He needed to grasp each word and examine its meaning, lest each be lost like some precious jewels. The thirst was strangely abated as he pondered the stranger’s expression “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” He was praying for those who were responsible for His death! What manner of man was this? Tears again formed in Barabbas’s eyes, as he noted that the stranger was paying the price for his crimes. Troubled relief was replaced by overwhelming grief.

Not a word had been exchanged between them, yet Barabbas understood that a relationship existed between the two of them. The stranger had been willing to die in his place. How could this be so? This fact alone, so moved him with a flood of emotions, that he understood he would always be unable to articulate the strange relationship between himself and this stranger. His life had been strangely transfigured by a series of unwanted interactions. He was trapped inside of his own experience with this stranger, unable to explain his journey to anyone.

Some in the crowd pointed toward a small group of women clustered near the foot of the cross. One said that the stranger’s mother was standing nearby. Barabbas was drawn to these mourners, like an insect might be drawn to a light. More than anything, he needed to know this stranger who was dying in his place. Awkwardly he asked those standing on the fringe of the grieving women, “what is His name?” Softly, the name was whispered, “Jesus, He is Jesus of Nazareth. He is Jesus, the Christ.” The response was whispered with a sense of awe and reverence.

His body was fatigued and his countenance was burdened by the unsettling events to which he had been exposed: Life transforming events.  Still caught up in the mystery of these unfolding events, he stood by, watching, watching Jesus on the cross. Knowing that he was a witness to events beyond his comprehension, he stood by resigned to letting the moments wash through his life, as if healing waters were flowing over him. In those somber moments leading up to the death of Jesus, the stranger, Barabbas knew that his life had been transformed by an unknowable truth. This Jesus had died for him, out of an act of personal love.

The afternoon merged with evening as the crowds began to drift away. Barabbas was not a religious man, but he understood the cultural drama being played out in his midst. The stranger’s head had slumped forward in death. The crowds grew weary of watching the macabre spectacle, once they had acknowledged His death. The sky darkened, rolling back any hint of daylight. It was as if the very heavens were crying over the travesty which had just happened.

Barabbas knew that he had witnessed an important event. This was not an event about him, but about life itself. He could not get that look out of his mind: This Jesus who had died in his place without any claim of injustice. The very notion of someone willing to die for him transfixed Barabbas as the winds and rain enveloped him. Unrecognized emotions swept over him as he recognized that a blasphemous trade had just been executed. An innocent man had died in his place.

Even here, suspended in time, reality mandated a return to the demands of Passover:  It was time to take leave of the events of this day. In haste, the broken body had been taken down and removed for burial. Among those who still remained, the activities of life had somehow returned demanding accommodation, even in this place of death. The crowds intuitively drifted away, seemingly satisfied with the drama they had witnessed.

Barabbas moved among the others. His spirit could not acknowledge their presence; he could only consider the hauntingly vivid memory of the events which he had just experienced; a personal encounter with salvation.

PRAYER FOR FAMILIES

Lord, You know everything about my life, my hopes and dreams and my sins and failures. Among the things that I find to be particularly painful are my thoughts about my family members, spouse and children who I offended through my actions. I wish with all my heart that I could change things for them, but I am totally powerless to help them at this time. I bring my loved ones to you and place them in Your care. I know that you love them and will comfort them in the days to come. Please Lord, heal the wounds that I have created and grant them Your Peace and Love. Help me to keep them lifted up in daily prayer and to communicate with them in ways that build up their spirits to carry on. Please Lord, touch the lives of those who have offended me and my family with your forgiveness. Help me to forgive them and heal my wounds. I am a sinful person who can do nothing by myself, but I ask this of You based upon Your promises in Your Holy Bible.  ******

In the future the topic of rejection will be revisited again since there is so much to discuss about this issue and how it shapes us as people and the way we respond to other people. That letter will be called rejection II. Be Blessed.

Remarkably He has already written that love letter to each of us. In that message of affection and restoration He has assured each of us of His great love no matter how badly we may have failed in the past. He has spoken with a deep abiding affection and concern for our individual beings and invited each of us to come and spend some time with Him. As Creator and Father, He longs for our company as you have seen in other human relationships. It is His very nature to want to bless each of us, to shower our lives with His goodness. That strong affection does not diminish or vanish when we have sinned and rejected Him. Like the loving Father that He is, He waits patiently until we have come to some desperate endpoint in our relentless search for meaning. Then, when we are completely spent and defeated in our frantic search, He orders life situations so that at that moment of profound hopelessness we can turn to Him. As our ever loving Father, He seeks only to restore us to relationship with Him, when we are willing to surrender our lives and wills to His care. He then takes the trash of our lives and turns it into treasure. It does not matter where you find yourself at this moment in time. He has a plan for your life that will fill you with a new meaning and purpose.

There is NO ONE exempted from His goodness, but He is gracious and loving and will not force any of us to accept His goodness. It must be a voluntary decision on each of our parts to ask for forgiveness and restoration of that precious relationship with Him. Once we have asked, He pours His grace and mercy into our lives and starts to transform our very nature. We do not suddenly become conformed to the substance of life, but instead His grace creates a new desire within each of us to be changed by the ever present Holy Spirit. It is not up to us to make these changes….in fact most of us have no idea where to start or how to accomplish this enormous shift in thinking. Thankfully, once we accept the Lordship of Jesus Christ in our lives, He takes responsibility for making these changes possible. Under His loving care for each of us, our lives take on new meaning and direction. He starts to use us right where we are now. He brings together circumstances that will make it possible for us to live out our lives in service to His plans. Suddenly, instead of self-seeking and selfishness, we find ourselves living with purpose and dignity. We come to know deep inside that He is working out His plans in our lives no matter where we may be at that time.

This is truly the essence of making Jesus the Lord of our lives, by accepting His redemptive work for us upon that cross. Each of us truly deserved to hang on that cross for the sins we have committed. Some of us can number our crimes among those sins, but do not be confused between sin and crime. All sins are crimes against a God who loves us. So there is no one on this earth, with sufficient righteousness to stand before God. We are all in desperate need of His love and care in our lives. Sometimes pride, arrogance or a fear that He would never really forgive us, stands in the way of coming into relationship with Jesus Christ. I have good news for you. He has already made the way available for each of us. Talk about Christmas gifts, what better gift could any of us receive than the love and fellowship with the God who made the universe? It is truly a free gift, the finest gift that could ever be given to anyone. And it all started with the life, death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ. In that single life, God created a pathway to individual salvation for each of us, by our accepting the gift of a new life in Jesus Christ.

God Himself has written us a love letter. The Scriptures contained in the Holy Bible speak His words of hope and life into each of our individual lives. The Old Testament contains the explanation of His great love for us and the method whereby EVIL came into our own lives by virtue of our own free will choices. The rest of the Old Testament reveals the story of man’s struggle to live with a fallen nature even at the same time that he sought to be reconciled in his relationship with God. The story focuses upon those struggles in the early history of a people who had been chosen to share a special relationship with God. But the Old Testament clearly teaches us how futile their own actions were to elevate themselves to a position of friendship with God in the midst of personal sinfulness. The problem was crystalized over the ensuing centuries as we read of the pleadings of His people only to turn away and embrace sinfulness again and again. The key message of the Old Testament was man’s inability to have a sustained relationship with God based upon OUR own evil nature. Our desire to gratify our own flesh, pride and lusts. So a comprehensive study of the Old Testament reveals that there is a war going on in our hearts and minds. By myself I am totally incapable of being good enough to have a continuing relationship with God. Like the Old Testament Hebrews, we try our best, but our sinful nature gets in the way and we fall into sin again and again. The Hebrews attempted to satisfy God’s righteousness by offering daily sacrifices to cover their continual violations of His laws of righteousness. All of these efforts were futile in abating the consequences of sin, as though we were trying to elevate ourselves to a place of worthiness where we could approach the glory of God. Bulls and lambs were insufficient to cover our sinfulness, but they were a religious system which recognized the sinfulness of man and his attempts to make peace with God. It was an insufficient sacrifice since man by himself cannot ever make things right with God. It is an impossible challenge since we are trying to make ourselves (the creation) right with the Almighty Creator of all. We have no power or ability to make these things right by ourselves no matter how humble or guilty we may feel about our past actions. The Old Testament ends with a period of 400 years of silence between God and man. A vast indication of our inability to appease the righteousness of God. The Old Testament clearly demonstrates our inability to make things right.

In the fullness of time, God sent His Son, Jesus Christ to teach us by example about God’s great love for us as individuals. The New Testament starts with the Gospels which reveal the life and character of Jesus Christ as God’s chosen vessel of mercy, grace and forgiveness. That sole Life was given to each of us as a gift of God, to restore us to a righteous relationship with Our Creator. By His act of loving service and redemption, through His death and resurrection HE totally paid the price which we had incurred by our sinful choices. Those debts have been completely paid in full and all we need to do is to reach out and accept the free gift of personal salvation earned through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He did for us, what we could never do for ourselves. He lived, suffered and died, paying the price for our sinfulness. The New Testament is the love story about how God made a way for each of us to have a fully restored relationship with God through the obedience of His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ.

This special love letter from God to us, gives us the opportunity to live out the rest of our days in a loving relationship with Our Father, God Almighty. I would direct each of you to the Books of Roman’s and James to read for yourself how this became possible, when we still made sinful decisions. How the shed blood of Jesus Christ is sufficient to cover all of our sins, past, present and future. There is no sin which will not be forgiven if we pray and ask Him for His forgiveness and mercy. It is that simple. The salvation message of hope is just a short prayer away. The only thing that is required on our part is to call out and ask for His forgiveness – nothing more. That is the essence of having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. During my days I often fail to live up to my responsibility to live out my life according to His law of love. But He is always faithful to forgive my sins, trespasses, acts of commission and acts of omission. His single act, His life and more importantly His victory over sin and death is the all sufficient covering for all of my sinfulness and personal failings. The same rules of forgiveness, love and mercy are freely available to all of us. All YOU need to do is to quietly ask Him for His forgiveness and to come into our lives and change us from the inside out. Please see clearly, that just like the people of the Old Testament, I am (and you are too) personally unable to make things right with God, Our Father. But thanks to His loving gift of His Son, we are now able to live in right standing with God. He will make the changes in our hearts and minds, cleansing us from within. All it takes for this personal transformation is a willingness to invite Him into your life and to ask Jesus Christ for forgiveness. Since the Father sent His Son as a replacement for us paying the individual price for all of our sins (hell), Jesus has covered our sin debts, paying the full price to have a completely restored relationship with God, The Father, Our Creator and the Sustainer of our very beings. It is that simple to have a new life. He knows everything you have ever done and will restore you completely to a relationship with Him. Because all of us have sinned during the course of our lives, we need His forgiveness. Where one individual has raped, murdered and stolen another may have only told a lie. But in God’s eyes all sin is evil, it is not a matter of degree, if we have sinned then we all need the shed blood of Jesus Christ to cover our sinfulness. There are no exceptions to this rule of life. We have all sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. Only by accepting the sacrificial act of Jesus Christ’s life, death and resurrection can we be made righteous and restored to relationship with God. Those who think that their sins are minor or insignificant are sadly mistaken. ALL SIN OFFENDS GOD. He is holy and righteous and cannot abide sin in His presence. The shed blood of Jesus Christ pays the price for all of our sinfulness. It is totally sufficient. That is the essence of God’s love letter to each of us in the Holy Bible. A message of faithfulness, love, mercy and forgiveness which we could never acquire for ourselves. That message is the basis for our hope. That message is the basis for eternal life, rather than eternity spent in hell for our sinful choices. His word can be reduced to a single sentence….I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, WON’T YOU PLEASE COME HOME?

THOUGHTS ON JOY

It has taken several weeks to get around to putting these words to paper. I have attempted to reach out to everyone on death row in several states and initiate meaningful dialogue with those who live with this reality each day. Few have answered the previous letters and several who have answered have not responded to my return letters. One conclusion that I might draw from these encounters is the likelihood that it is very difficult to trust people in an environment where the system is looking for a legal opportunity to execute you as quickly as possible. I had one death row resident tell me that the guards on the row were as evil as the worst of the offenders. So where do you draw a moment of safety for yourself in that kind of environment? It would seem that the only solitude that can be grasped is inside of your head and in your spiritual awareness. If that is the case it is like living out each day in almost complete isolation. In that situation my letters are sent to you to open a small window outside of the heavy burden of living on death row.

The November letter focused upon the topic of happiness. My experience with happiness has led me to believe that in my life, happiness has always been related to some external event, thing or relationship. While I have experienced it inside of me, it was always the result of something external filling a need in my life. And when I became bored with the event, thing or person, I quickly lost my happiness and was again seeking some new event, thing or person to make me happy. For me, happiness was never an inside job, it always depended upon something else happening in my life.

Joy on the other hand has always been an internal experience. I have found myself in horrible situations and still have been able to experience times of joy. Joy flows through my life, while happiness melted away. Joy is like the blood that courses through my veins. It has a certain substance, while happiness is like a mist that disappears. Like a musical note that vanishes when one stops playing the musical instrument. In my youth and through my forties I was satisfied with seeking out happiness in all of its forms. Though from my early 30’s I identified myself as a Christian. Joy was something that I experienced only as my relationship with Jesus Christ grew deeper and deeper in my life.

You might think it impossible to experience joy in a prison setting. I do not personally believe that to be true. I do believe that in all of the circumstances of our lives we can experience joy and peace which is unexplainable to others. It is like experiencing vanilla ice cream for the first time in your life. No amount of words would ever give you the experience that one taste of vanilla ice cream would bring. With that single taste you would have an experience that could not be adequately defined with words. That is what joy and peace are like….they are indefinable. They must be experienced to understand what they do inside of our minds and hearts. Once you know the sweet taste of joy (coming from inside of you) then your life is changed forever. So how do you get this joy which eventually produces peace in your heart and mind?

As a trained clinical psychologist I can tell you that there is no therapy, drug or way of life which we can master to produce feelings of joy. I am convinced that joy and the peace that follows are gifts of God. Plain and simple…..gifts that are freely given. The world experienced joy at the birth of Jesus Christ. The greatest joy that a dying world could hope for in times of despair and defeat. Today many of us who are or have been offenders still experience those feelings of despair and defeat. The same joy which transformed the world two thousand years ago, is our today for the asking. Suffering is optional, personal transformation is promised. Like the shepherds on the hillside or the wise men from the east, our lives await the miracle of His birth in our spirits. As the Pharisee asked in the Bible, what must I do to be saved, our spirits cry out with the same question in our shame and pain. The situation is changed only in that we are now talking about 2013-2014. Man’s nature is sinful and has never changed, given the influence of evil in our lives. I cannot get right with God under my own power. So He sent His Son to live among us, to teach us, to show us and then to die for our sins as a replacement for our individual responsibility. My joy stems solely from the fact that Jesus Christ paid the price for my sin on the cross. He also paid the price for all of our sins on that cross. If you will humbly call out to him today, He will forgive every sin and crime that you have ever committed or will commit. His death on that cross gave each of us the opportunity to stand righteous before a loving Father. Without any stain or blemish on our eternal souls. All you need to do to have this gift, is to pray quietly that Jesus would come into your life, wash away your sins and change your heart and mind. He will make all of the changes necessary. That is why this experience is called a personal transformation. You follow that initial prayer with a daily morning and evening prayer asking for His help in all you do. And you continue to build a relationship with Him by reading His word. He promises to change your heart and mind and to completely forgive your sins and trespasses. He will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. In that quiet moment of seeking Him, your life is transformed and that JOY AND peace start to manifest in your life.

Jesus Christ has a special love for condemned prisoners, do you remember the story of the thief of the cross next to him? St. Dismas, I call him the patron saint of the close call. Jesus personally assured him that he would be in paradise that day with Jesus. A personal promise from Jesus for every death row prisoner. He loves you with an equal passion that He felt for this thief. Don’t take my word for it, ask Him yourself in the following short prayer and see how He responds to your humble request.

A PRISONER’S PRAYER

Dear Jesus, I know that You were a prisoner just like me, so I am offering this prayer to You because I believe that You truly understand my life and my current situation. I have been a failure at most of the things that I have sought to achieve. I have committed crimes and lived a life of sin. It is very difficult for me to trust in anyone. I ask the Grace and Courage to believe in You. Help me Lord to trust in You and Your word. I surrender my life and will into Your care and I believe that You will come into my life and make the changes which need to be made. I want to spend eternity with You and leave this life behind with a sense of purpose and meaning. I believe that even here on death row, You can use my life in that manner. Have mercy on me because I am a sinner and cannot help myself. Fill me with Your Love, Grace and Joy.  Amen.

If you have prayed this prayer in your heart, you already have full forgiveness for your crimes and sins. You also have His promise to guide you through this life and the promise of spending eternity with Him. God has written each individual a beautiful love letter, it is all contained in the Holy Bible. His promises are real and they are forever. He will never disappoint you. Others will disappoint you, but Jesus Christ will stand by your side from this day until He welcomes you home in eternity. Have a Merry Christmas. Celebrate the true joy of finding relationship with Jesus Christ. Your life will never be the same again.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers…….Be Blessed.